A dog and a bird are sitting in the front yard of a small suburban community. The bird turns to the dog and says nothing, because birds lack the ability to speak. The dog then reaches down and slowly consumes the bird before returning to his house.

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Q: How do all 5 gay guys walk? A: In One Direction

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What's the difference between a Jew and a pizza? One is a human being belonging to a particular religious minority and the other is a delicious Italian food favoured by English speaking western cultures. The problem with this anti-joke is that the facts are not correct, pizza was originally invented and China; however,it looked quite different then what might be considered pizza by our standards, when pizza was brought to Italy it was improved to make what we now consider pizza in modern times. While some people may consider pizza an Italian food, this would be failing to give credit to the Chinese who invented it.

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Breaydn Simmons walked into a bar

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1. A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: ''Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!'' The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: ''The driver just insulted me!'' The man says: ''You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you.''

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What do the words lightbulb and lightweight have in common? The word light is in both words. Other than that absolutely nothing.

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Q: What do you call a man with no arms and no legs being pulled behind a boat? A: Skip.

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What do you call a girl with one leg at your door step? Ilean

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This schoolteacher was taking her first golfing lesson. She scored poorly from her lack of practice and experience and was turned off from the sport.

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What did the homeless man get for christmas? NOTHING, he died.

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Micheal Jackson walks into a bar?

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I'll give you a nickel to lick my pickle, a dime to take your time and a quarter if I can f*ck you in the ass

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How do you kill a dinosaur with a spoon? You cant because they are extinct creatures

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Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? Some men are blind.

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Woman's rights.

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The weels on the bus go...flat

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What's red and smells like blue paint? Red paint.

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What has wheels and flies? A wheel that I have altered so it can fly

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What did the priest say to Jesus when he revealed himself on Christmas morning? Happy birthday

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A man walks into a bar. We see him as he approaches the register wearing a dark hoody. The surveillance camera seen here catches a glimpse of the man's face appearing to be a white male with mustache and beard. As you can see the man opens the register and takes the money before the bartender can get to him. If you have any information about this crime please call crime stoppers at 1-800-GET-HELP. In other news, the DOW JONES reached a record high today as investors in China begin working on keeping the economy from plundering.

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Your mother is so fat. But I'm fine with it.

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And then i said what about breakfast at tiffanies, and then you said i hate that movie.

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new year new me my nigga's chilling on the couch . he'l be happy if i put my dlck inside his mouth next one: i got 4 but i give it to mr. gore when he say whats your name? me:hey my mane is Erick bryan and my puss* is wet wait nonono :D

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Me, myself, and I walked into a bar. We didn't say anything to each other because I'm not schetsophrenic.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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