Why do babies cry on airplanes? Because gay people are getting married.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Omar the Magnificent is performing a huge magic show at a theater in New York City. His final trick will be to have his assistant saw him in half in front of the sold out crowd. Omar never knew how other magicians perform the trick. The crowd of hundreds watches Omar's assistant brutally murder him onstage and many require mental therapy for years to come.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Why did Sally fall off the swing-set? She had no arms. Knock-knock. Who's there? Not Sally.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Person A - I farted Person B - YUCK

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Knock Knock Who's there? UPS UPS who? UPS, your package is here.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

There is a bird and a squirrel in a tree. Later, as a farmer walked past, the squirrel ate the bird.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

If you're happy and you know it - put your hands in the air i have a gun.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

a black man, spanish man, and white man all fall off a building. and as they fall, i wonder: why are you laughing?

thumb_up thumb_down +16

A man walks into a bar. He is then taken to the hospital for his concussion, seeing as the bar was made of metal

thumb_up thumb_down +16

How many dead babies fit into a bathtub? I honestly don't know, as I have never tested this out, nor do I plan to because I would like to not handle the bodies of poor deceased infants.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

This is you cat This is just cat This is wasted cat This is your cat This is time cat This is reading cat This is this cat Now read the third word of every sentance

thumb_up thumb_down +14

If a tree falls, and nobody is around to hear it, does it still make a sound? No. While the falling tree surely creates mechanical oscillations in the air, sound is defined as the mechanical oscillations in the air perceived by humans. Therefore, since no humans were around to hear the tree fall, it did not create a sound.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

What did the hooker get for christmas? Herpes

thumb_up thumb_down +14

What's red and u drink it Koolaid

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Tom has 24 cupcakes Tom then ate 24 cupcakes what does Tom have? Diabetes Tom got diabetes

thumb_up thumb_down +14

There once was a man in Peru Who dreamed he was eating his shoe He awoke with a fright In the middle of the night To find that someone was breaking into his house

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Q: Why was 2 afraid of 3? A: Cause 3 4 5!

thumb_up thumb_down +14

You smell like shit

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Why did the little boy throw his clock out of the window? After hours of searching for the snooze button to no avail, the little boy became so irritated at the incessant ringing of the alarm that he threw it out of his window in a fit of rage. The clock landed on an old woman who was walking twenty stories below. She was immediately killed on impact.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

What did the Lumberjack say before cutting down the tree? Nothing, it's his job.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Your Mama is so fat, when she jumped on the couch, she broke the couch.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

What's small, cold, and lifeless? A dead baby.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Two Jews walk into a bank. They make a deposit and leave.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

If you say woman really fast it sounds like make me a sandwich.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops