Four Iraqis played hide and seek 17 years ago, one of them missing, why? he's still hiding.

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Dani barton= lovely

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There was a little boy by the name of Billy. Billy was an ordinary little boy who did ordinary little boy things, like playing, eating, bathing, destroying things, and going to school. One day, when Billy went down to the bus stop to meet the bus to go to school, he found all of his friends huddled around in a little group, talking about the Purple Wombat. Being a little boy, Billy was curious. So, he asked them, "What's the Purple Wombat?" "You don't know what the Purple Wombat is?" the children exclaimed disgustedly. For the rest of the morning, they would not go near Billy, always standing far away and staring at him. Then the bus came. Billy, confused, got on the bus along with the rest of the children. "Hey, Mister Bus Driver!" one of the chldren shouted. "Billy doesn't know what the Purple Wombat is!" The bus driver turned around abruptly. "You don't know what the Purple Wombat is?" he said in disbelief. He ordered Billy to sit in the very back of the bus, all by himself. Eventually, they got to school, and Billy got off the bus and went to class. Class proceeded normally; the students did the Pledge of Allegiance and worked on their multiplication tables for a while. Then the teacher led them into a unit on geography. Billy was not really paying attention, but he heard the teacher mention something about the Purple Wombat. Billy's hand shot up, and, when the teacher called on him, Billy asked, "Teacher, what's the Purple Wombat?" "You don't know what the Purple Wombat is?" the teacher cried in alarm, "Get yourself to the principal's office right now, young man. No, no buts -- march!" So, Billy headed down the long, dark, frightening hallway to the principal's office. He slowly opened the large, heavy door, and timidly entered the room behind it. There, at a large, imposing desk, sat the principal. The principal was a hulking man, balding, with a thin mustache. He spoke in a deep baritone voice. He was enough to frighten little boys like Billy who had been sent to his office almost to tears. "Well, Billy," he began slowly. "What seems to be the problem?" "Mr. Principal, I just don't know what's going on today. Everyone's been acting weird, and they're all treating me really badly. Like teacher just sent me to you and stuff." "Now, Billy, I'm here to help you. I'm the princi-Pal, after all. Heh heh. Can you tell me why everyone's acting so strangely?" "It's because I don't know what some stupid Purple Wombat is." "What? You don't know what the Purple Wombat is? That's it. I am calling your mother, young man. Consider yourself suspended." The principal threw Billy out of his office and told him to go home. Billy, crying, began the long walk home. When he got there, his mother was standing in the doorway waiting for him. "Billy!" she called, sobbing, "I was so worried about you! What happened?" "Mom," Billy cried, "Everyone was being mean to me and I had to sit in the back of the bus all by myself and the teacher sent me to the principal's office and the principal suspended me, all because I don't know what the Purple Wombat is!" "What? You don't know what the Purple Wombat is?" Billy's mother shrieked. "Go to your room this minute. Go! Just wait until your father gets home!" So, Billy marched up the stairs and into his room. He collapsed on the bed, crying. After some amount of time, he heard a car pull in and some doors shutting. His father was home. He could hear his parents talking downstairs but didn't know what they were saying. Then he heard footsteps coming up the stairs, and his door opened. "Billy," his father began in that lecturing-father tone, "Your mother says you've been acting badly lately. Would you like to tell me what you've done?" "Dad, I haven't done anything! I just don't know what the Purple Wombat is!" "You...don't know what the Purple Wombat is. Well, in that case, you can just stay in this room all night, mister. And forget about dinner!" Billy's father slammed the door and stormed off. Billy collapsed on his bed, crying his eyes out. He spent the next several hours that way -- lying there, crying, wishing he would wake up. Then, in the middle of the night, he heard a voice. It said: "Billy. I am the Purple Wombat, Billy." Billy sat up with a start. He looked around the room, trying to find the source of the voice, but he could not. "Billy. I am the Purple Wombat. Find me, Billy." It was coming from out the window. So Billy got up, put his shoes on, opened the window, and climbed out on to the roof. "Billy. I am the Purple Wombat." Billy jumped down off the roof and followed the voice down the road. He got to the edge of a wood. "Billy. I am the Purple Wombat. Follow me, Billy." The voice was coming from inside the wood. It was very dark and very frightening, but Billy didn't care. He had to find out what the Purple Wombat was. So, bravely, he entered the wood. Billy. I am the Purple Wombat. Find me, Billy." It was coming from out the window. So Billy got up, put his shoes on, opened the window, and climbed out on to the roof. "Billy. I am the Purple Wombat." Billy jumped down off the roof and followed the voice down the road. He got to the edge of a wood. 3 years ago Billy. I am the Purple Wombat. Follow me, Billy." The voice was coming from inside the wood. It was very dark and very frightening, but Billy didn't care. He had to find out what the Purple Wombat was. So, bravely, he entered the wood. "Billy. I am the Purple Wombat. Keep going, Billy." Billy kept going into the wood. He could hardly see anything, and he kept falling down and walking into things and hurting himself. But, he kept going, driven by a need to find this enigma that kept calling his name. "Billy. I am the Purple Wombat. This way, Billy." Eventually, Billy emerged from the wood. He was on the shore of the town lake. "Billy. I am the Purple Wombat. I'm out here, Billy." It was coming from out across the lake. Billy got one of the small rowboats from the dock, untied it, and rowed out. Since he was only a small boy, it was very difficult. But, he had to find out what the Purple Wombat was. 3 years ago "Billy. I am the Purple Wombat. Row, Billy." The voice was coming from across the lake. Billy doubled his effort, and the boat began to move a little faster. When he was about half way across the lake, he heard: "Billy, I am the Purple Wombat. I'm up here, Billy." It was coming from directly above him. Billy stopped rowing and stood up to look for it. The boat tipped over, dumping him in the lake. Billy didn't know how to swim, so he drowned. Moral of this story: Don't stand up in a boat.

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123 Main street

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What do you call a person who is 6 feet under? Lost.

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what do you call a gay bird a gaybird

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Ian From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia This article is about a given name. For other uses, see Ian (disambiguation). Ian Gender Male (rarely Female: some similar names can be) Origin Word/name Hebrew (via Scottish Gaelic) Meaning gift of god, god's gift Other names Related names John (masculine version of Jane: Hebrew for Siobhan), Ivan, Evian, Iana, Seonaidh Look up Ian in Wiktionary, the free dictionary. "Ian", "Iain"(/?i?.?n/; Scottish Gaelic pronunciation: [????n]) is a name of Gaelic origin, corresponding to English/Hebrew John. It is a very popular name in much of the English-speaking world and especially in Scotland, where it originated. Ian was the 19th most popular male name, taking account of the whole British population (over 300,000 Ians in total).[citation needed] The name has now fallen out of the top 100 male baby names in the UK, having peaked in popularity as one of the top 10 names throughout the 1960s,[1] while remaining roughly constant in popularity in the USA. Back in 1900, Ian was the 180th most popular male baby name in England and Wales.[2] The original form of the name 'Eóin' originated in the Irish language. Ian is an anglicisation of the Scottish Gaelic version of the name, 'Iain'. Popularity of the name 'Ian' in the USA Year Rank 2013 80 2012 78 2011 72 2010 72 2009 72 2008 80 2007 74 2006 80 2005 67 2004 69 2003 65 2002 67 2001 70 2000 73 Note: Rank 1 is the most popular, rank 2 is the next most popular, and so forth. Name data are from Social Security card applications for births that occurred in the United States. Source: Social Security Administration. See http://www.ssa.gov/OACT/babynames Other Gaelic forms of "John" include "Seonaidh" ("Johnny" from Lowland Scots), "Seon" (from English), "Seathan", and "Seán" and "Eoin" (from Irish). Its Welsh counterpart is Ioan and Breton equivalent is Yann. Contents [hide] 1 Notable Ians 1.1 As a first name (alphabetical by family name) 1.2 As a middle name 1.3 As a surname 2 Notable Iains 3 Fictional Iains 4 Fictional Ians 5 References 6 See also Notable Ians[edit] As a first name (alphabetical by family name)[edit] Ian Anderson – lead of rock band Jethro Tull Ian Astbury – singer of rock band The Cult Ian Bairnson – guitarist of The Alan Parsons Project and Pilot Ian Baker-Finch – golfer and 1991 British Open winner Ian Bannen – British actor Ian Willoughby Bazalgette – recipient of the Victoria Cross Ian Bell – English cricketer Ian Berry (disambiguation) Sir Ian Blair – former Head of the Metropolitan Police Service Ian Black (disambiguation) Sir Ian Botham – cricketer Ian Bolton – English footballer Ian Brady – Moors murderer Ian Bremmer – political scientist, author, entrepreneur Ian Broudie – singer in The Lightning Seeds, and music producer Ian Brown – singer and lyricist in The Stone Roses Ian Callaghan – Liverpool footballer with the most appearances Ian Callum – Design director for Jaguar Ian Carmichael – OBE, actor Ian Cashmore – broadcaster/presenter and paranormal investigator Ian Chappell – Former Australian cricketer Ian Charleson – Scottish/British actor Ian Clark (disambiguation) Ian Clyde – boxer Ian Collier – singer and actor Ian Cooper (disambiguation) Ian James Corlett – cartoon writer and voice actor Ian Crocker – swimmer Ian Curtis – singer and lyricist in Joy Division Ian Davis (disambiguation) Ian Desmond – Major League Baseball shortstop Ian Dury – singer and songwriter Ian Eagle – American sports announcer Ian Edmond – swimmer Ian Ferguson (disambiguation) Ian Flanagan – tennis player Ian Fleming – Novelist, creator of James Bond Ian Froman – South African-born Israeli tennis player and tennis patron Ian Frazier – writer and humorist Ian Gibson (disambiguation) Ian Gillan – lead singer of hard rock band Deep Purple Ian Gold – former American football player Ian Gomm – British guitarist and singer Ian Grist – British politician Ian Hallard - actor Ian Hamilton (disambiguation) Ian Harding – actor Ian Hart – actor Ian Haugland – Drummer for the band Europe Ian Healy – Former Australian Wicket-Keeper Ian Hecox – comedian with Smosh Ian Henderson (Britain) – former head of secret police in Bahrain, accused of torture Ian Henderson (ABC) – Australian news presenter Ian Henderson (football) – current Norwich City F.C. player in the FA Premier League Ian Henderson (rugby league) – Scottish rugby hooker who plays in Australia Ian Hicks (disambiguation) Ian Hill – Bassist for metal band Judas Priest Ian Hislop – Satirist and editor of Private Eye Ian Holm (born 1931) – British actor Ian Hornak – painter Ian Hunter – singer of Mott the Hoople Ian Huntley – double murderer Ian James – Olympic athlete Ian Joyce – American soccer player Ian Kennedy – Major League Baseball pitcher Ian Kershaw – historian Ian Kinsler – Major League Baseball second baseman Ian "Lemmy" Kilmister – singer/bass player in Motörhead Ian Krankie – entertainer Ian Lambert – educator Ian Laperrière – hockey player Ian Lavender – actor Ian Law – Australian footballer Ian Oswald Liddell – recipient of the Victoria Cross Ian Livingstone – author Ian Lorimer – television director Ian Lucas – politician Ian MacArthur – politician Ian MacDonald - author Ian MacKaye – musician Ian Mahinmi – basketball player Ian Martin (disambiguation) Ian Matthews – member of Fairport Convention and notable solo musician, reverted in 1989 to Iain Matthews Ian Matthews – drummer for Kasabian Ian Maxtone-Graham – television writer and producer Ian McCaskill – weather forecaster Ian McConville – webcomic artist of Mac Hall and Three Panel Soul Ian McCulloch – actor Ian McCulloch – singer in the band Echo & the Bunnymen Ian McCulloch – snooker player Ian McDiarmid – actor Ian McDonald – British musician, best known for being a member of both King Crimson and Foreigner Ian McEwan – novelist Ian John McKay – recipient of the Victoria Cross Sir Ian McKellen (born 1939) – actor Ian McLagan – English musician, best known for being a member of both Small Faces and Faces Ian McMillan – poet Ian McMillan – Scottish footballer Ian McShane – actor Ian Messiter – creator of Just a Minute Ian Moran – hockey player Ian Morris – Irish professional footballer Ian Morrison (disambiguation) Ian Morton - English cricketer Ian Mosley – drummer for Marillion Ian Murdock – computer professional, creator of the Debian project Ian O'Brien – swimmer Ian O'Reilly, Irish actor Ian Paice – drummer of Deep Purple Ian Paisley – Protestant politician Ian Patterson – English footballer Ian Peck – English cricketer Ian Pooley – German DJ Ian Poulter – English professional golfer Ian Punnett - American radio broadcaster and priest Ian Rankin – Scottish novelist Ian Reed – Australian discus thrower Ian Reid (disambiguation) Ian Richards – British race walker Ian Richardson – Scottish actor Ian Robinson (disambiguation) Ian Ross (disambiguation) Ian Rush – Welsh international footballer Ian Sanders - cricketer for Edinburgh, Scotland Ian Sangalang - Filipino professional basketball player Ian Scheckter – former South African F1 driver. He is brother of Jody Scheckter and uncle of Tomas Scheckter. Ian Scott (disambiguation) Ian Smith (disambiguation) Ian Smith – ex Rhodesian Prime Minister Ian Snell – Major League Baseball pitcher Ian Somerhalder – actor Ian Stanley – British musician Ian Stewart (disambiguation) Ian Stone – comedian Ian Stuart Donaldson – vocalist and frontman of controversial British band Skrewdriver Ian Svenonius – American musician Ian Thornley – Canadian musician Ian Thorpe – Australian swimmer Ian Thomson (disambiguation) Ian "Sam" Totman – British guitarist Ian Van Dahl – Belgian artist Ian Walker – British sailor Ian Waltz – American discus thrower Ian Watkins (born 1977), former lead singer of the alternative metal band Lostprophets, and convicted pedophile. Ian H Watkins (born 1976), British pop singer and actor, former member of Steps Ian Weatherhead – English watercolor artist Ian West (disambiguation) Ian Wilmut – English embryologist, best known for cloning Dolly the sheep Ian Wilson (disambiguation) Ian Wood (disambiguation) Ian Woosnam – Welsh golfer Ian Wright – footballer Ian Donald Calvin Euclid Zappa – Birth name of musician Dweezil Zappa Ian Ziering – actor As a middle name[edit] Michael Ian Black – (often credited by his full name), American comedian Thomas Ian Nicholas – Actor and singer As a surname[edit] Janis Ian – singer and songwriter Scott Ian – stage name of Scott Ian Rosenfeld, guitarist with the metal band Anthrax Notable Iains[edit] Iain Archer – Northern Irish Singer-songwriter musician Iain Balshaw – MBE, English rugby player Iain Banks – Scottish writer Iain Black – British Columbia politician Iain De Caestecker – Scottish actor Iain Dowie – Northern Irish football manager Iain Durrant – Scottish footballer Iain Evans – South African field hockey player Iain Glen – Scottish actor, noted for his role in TV's Game of Thrones Iain Gray – Leader of Labour in the Scottish Parliament Iain Harnden – Zimbabwean hurdler Iain Lee – British comedian, TV presenter and radio presenter Iain Macleod – British politician Iain Macmillan – Scottish photographer, noted for his image of the Beatles walking across Abbey Road Iain David McGeachy – John Martyn, British singer-songwriter and guitarist Iain Paxton – Scottish rugby player Iain Smith – Scottish politician Iain Duncan Smith – Leader of the Conservative Party, 2001–2003 Iain Softley – film director Iain Stirling – TV presenter and comedian Iain Stewart (disambiguation) Iain Sydie – Canadian badminton player The Very Revd Iain Torrance – President of Princeton Theological Seminary and former Moderator of the General Assembly of the Church of Scotland Fictional Iains[edit] Iain Sterling, a fictional character in the Android: Netrunner universe Fictional Ians[edit] Ian Hawke – the main antagonist in the Alvin and the Chipmunks movies Ian the Deer – Elliot's arch-rival in the Open Season movies Ian Beale – from the TV soap opera EastEnders Ian Chesterton – from the TV series Doctor Who Ian Slater – from the ABC soap opera All My Children Ian Craig – from the radio soap opera The Archers Ian Edgerton – FBI agent and sniper from the show Numb3rs Ian Gallagher – one of the main characters in the television drama, Shameless Ian Hainsworth - Susan Delfino's boyfriend in 3rd season of Desperate Housewives Ian Howe – an antagonist in National Treasure Ian Kabra – antagonist of The 39 Clues book series Ian Kelley – from the TV series Being Ian Ian Lewis and Ian Ketterman (together with dozens of other Ians) – characters created by Lee and Herring; the duo used 'Ian' as their de facto comedy name, in such sketches as the Ian News Ian – from Leprechaun 2 Ian Malcolm – from Michael Crichton's novel Jurassic Park Ian (MÄR) – a recurring character in the manga and anime series MÄR Ian Maxtone-Graham – from the TV series Suddenly Susan Professor Ian McClaine – adoptive father of Joe 90 Ian McKenzie – the liberal attorney from the novel and the film A Dry White Season Ian McKinley – from the movie Final Destination 3 Ian Miller – from the movie My Big Fat Greek Wedding Ian Murray- The Nephew of Jamie Fraser in Diana Gabaldon's Outlander series Ian O'Shea – from Stephenie Meyer's novel, The Host Ian Randall – from the 'Dichotic' episode of Smallville, a character who had the ability to duplicate himself Ian Raymond – Laura's boyfriend in the novel and film, High Fidelity Ian Schulenburg – Unseen husband of Harriet Schulenburg in Green Wing Ian Rider – From the Alex Rider books Ian Scuffling – Tyrone Slothrup's adopted name after he goes into hiding in Thomas Pynchon's Gravity's Rainbow Ian Thomas - Ryan Merriman's character in the TV series Pretty Little Liars. Ian – from Shane Jiraiya Cummings' short story, "Ian". Every male character who the protagonist meets is called Ian Ian – from Sarah Kane's play, Blasted References[edit] Jump up ^ "Name: Ian". BabyNames.co.uk. Baby Names UK. Retrieved 2015-01-01. Jump up ^ "Top 200 Most Popular Names in England and Wales in 1900". British Baby Names. 21 August 2012. Retrieved 2015-01-01. See also[edit] John (given name) Eoin Ioan (disambiguation) IANS (disambiguation) Categories: Scottish masculine given namesGiven namesEnglish masculine given namesMasculine given names Navigation menu Create accountLog inArticleTalkReadEditView history Main page Contents Featured content Current events Random article Donate to Wikipedia Wikipedia store Interaction Help About Wikipedia Community portal Recent changes Contact page Tools What links here Related changes Upload file Special pages Permanent link Page information Wikidata item Cite this page Print/export Create a book Download as PDF Printable version Languages Deutsch Suomi Svenska Edit links This page was last modified on 10 April 2015, at 09:48. Text is available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License; additional terms may apply. By using this site, you agree to the Terms of Use and Privacy Policy. Wikipedia® is a registered trademark of the Wikimedia Foundation, Inc., a non-profit organization.

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Why was the boy sad? He had just been in a terrible car accident in which he witnessed his entire family die painful, violent deaths, thus he suffered survivor's guilt. Also he dropped his ice cream.

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So a guy with ADD walks into a... Hey Look! A Chicken!

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Worst joke to tell an orphan. Knock knock. Who's there. Not your parents

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What's worse then ten dead babies in a garbage can? Being the one who found them.

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Knock Knock whose there your biological parents REALLY No

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Why did the chicken cross the road To get to your house Knock knock: whos there? The chicken duh

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What did I do last night?work

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How many dead babies fit into a bathtub? 23

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A Polish immigrant goes to the Department of Motor Vehicles to apply for a driver’s license. He has to take an eye test. They show him a card with the letters C Z W I X N O S T A C Z. “Can you read this?” the optician asks. “Read it?” the Polish guy replies, “No, sir. Allow me to put on my glasses."

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Knock knock. Who's there? Mark. Oh Hai Mark

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What happens when a llama falls off a cliff? It dies.

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KKK

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Why was 6 afraid of 7? 7 was a registered sex offender.

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Why did the Jewish man dive into the street to pick up a penny? He was Tevye, a character from the famous play Fiddler on the Roof and pennies are valuable and rare in Tsarist Russia in 1905.

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The early bird gets the worm, but the angry bird gets the pig.

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What's worse than rush hour traffic? Your childhood friend, Ricky, was just brutally killed by a street cleaner

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Dave Antliver was a longtime employee at the local dairy farm. He had long, grey, scraggly hair and old, cracked, circular-framed glasses and a straw, cowboy-style hat. He disliked his job, milking cows, because it was very repetitive and boring. His co-workers were smelly, loud and obnoxious. They gave him his name after he accepted a 5-dollar dare to swallow a handful of ants. The only enjoyment he got out of his day involved hiding from his despised wife, Muggly, and writing in his journal. Mr. Antliver took shelter in the faded-grey shed behind the house, it was his sanctuary. It stank of cat piss and many flying insects such as bees, wasps and hornets made their nest inside the shed. Antliver would lie down on the dusty, wooden floor, hiding under an old, tattered tarp in the shed to hide from the insects. This was quite successful, since he had only been stung a few times. In his journal, he wrote about a better life, one where he could participate in sexual intercourse with a shiny, magnificent ceiling fan; it was his fetish, his erotic pleasure. He knew that if he ever found one, he would name her Salikas. He needed Salikas to be a large fan, however, as participating in his favorite sexual activity would require her to be the dominant one. Antliver dreamed of Salikas, she had five aluminum, oval-shaped blades and most importantly, hung four feet below the ceiling when she spun, spinning at about 140 rpm. Antliver knew that if he could have Rotational Intercourse with Salikas, he would leave his dirty wife for good. Mr. Antliver took a broken, green crayon from his pocket and traced out a picture of sex with Salikas in his journal. After five minutes, his illustration was complete. In the picture, Dave was sitting on top of one of Salikas's blades while she was spinning, high above the ground. His penis was wrapped around that same blade, with sperm flowing down the fan blade and some of it flying into the air. A tear flowed down Antliver's cheek as he felt a strong craving for Salikas, while his erection begged him to find her. He peeked out from under the tarp in the shed and saw rain dripping down the shed window. The cloudy sky crackled with thunder. Antliver cried and whined for a few minutes, drenching his overalls in tears. He was 58 years old and had not yet found the love of his life. He then became silent, as an idea came to mind: he would measure the shed to see if he could mount Salikas on the ceiling. He examined his drawing and estimated that Salikas would take up about 4-5 feet in height, and require a 10-foot diameter, horizontal circle of space. He rummaged through the pile of clutter on the floor, pushing aside flower pots, the garden hose, porn magazines and beer bottles until finally, he found the measuring tape. He stood up with ambition, knocking over the grey trash can. He extended the yellow tape, holding it against the sides of the shed wall, checking for the highest inch-mark on the tape. "137 inches," he muttered to himself. After thinking for a second, Antliver shouted through his 10 teeth: "Yes! Baby, I can bring ya home!" All he had to do now is find his darling, his beloved angel. But where? He lived out in the country and he knew of no hardware or appliance stores where he could buy ceiling fans. Although his wife was a dirty rat who did nothing for him but steal his whiskey, Antliver did remember her talking about the Amazon, which one could use on a computer to order a wide variety of products, and have them delivered to his house. He and his (current) wife didn't own a computer, as they were quite poor. She couldn't produce much money from scrubbing toilets at the local elementary school so they couldn't afford one. She once told him that he might be able to use the Amazon if he hadn't blown all their savings on alcohol. That was the reality then, but not anymore. Antliver had a plan, he would get his hands on a computer, no matter what it takes. He thought of the surrounding area: there was Juggy's house, Marv and Gorgus's house, but most importantly: Stalpus's house! Stalpus was a longtime friend of Dave's who got his name from "stale pus," but Antliver didn't know nor care what that meant. All that mattered is that Stalpus had a computer. It then dawned on Antliver, he would go to Stalpus's house and ask if he could use the computer for a while. Due to Antliver's alcohol addiction, there was no money left to fix the ancient beaten-up car he owned. After travelling down the dirt road for an hour and a half, Antliver arrived at his friend's house. He knocked on the door, and after 10 seconds, Stalpus showed up. "What'dya want, ol' Dave?" "Stalpus, I needa use yer computer," Antliver replied. "Yeh, okay, Dave, why'dya need it?" "I needa find ma wife," Antliver replied. Stalpus snickered and replied: "But Dave, she's at yer house, ya nitwit." "No she ain't not!" Antliver shot back, angrily. "Whoa, settle doon, Davey, ya can use ma computer ta find her." 10 minutes later, Stalpus was directing Antliver to the Amazon website. "How'd I find a ceiling fan?" Antliver asked. "Just type it in dat box over dere." Antliver typed in "ceiling fan" and pressed enter. A large number of ceiling fans were found, to his excitement. He browsed for a few minutes and came upon a huge, 9-foot wide industrial fan. "Salikas!" he screamed, "I found ya, my love!" Beside the "Add to Cart" option, the price glared at Antliver: 299.99$! "Aw damnit, deez rascals want ma money for ma wife! It's a randsome! Oh fuck, she's bein' held hostage! I gotta get her back!" "Calm down, ya dumb ass, " pleaded Stalpus. "Ya just gotta pay for her." "I don't got the cash!" Antliver angrily shouted back. "Listen, ya said you were lookin' fer yer wife, not some stupid fan!" mocked Stalpus. Antliver growled, stood up and picked up the wooden chair below, lifting it over his head. He violently struck Stalpus over the head, knocking him to the floor. He brought the chair down over his friend's head several more times, leaving him with a fractured skull and a fatal amount of lost blood. Antliver hurled the blood-stained chair to the floor, braking off two of its legs. He then proceeded to scavenge the house frantically for money. 10 minutes later, he located a hidden box under Stalpus's bed, upstairs. It had a bunch of coins and bills cluttered inside. He began to count the wages when he heard the door downstairs swing open. "Stalpus, honey, I'm hom... AHHHHHHHH!" she shrieked, as she discovered the lifeless body of her husband. Antliver heard her rushed footsteps as she ran into the kitchen below. Briefly afterward, she was breathing heavily, desperately trying to reach the police via telephone. Antliver knew that he wouldn't have much time before the police would arrive at the residence. He snatched up the money in a hurry, stuffing it into the pocket of his overalls. He bolted down the stairs, and snagged the computer monitor, ripping the cord out of the wall, in front of Stalpus's wailing wife, who was pressed up against the wall, terrified by Antliver's presence. With his hands full, Antliver kicked open the wooden front door, fracturing it at the hinges, and darted down the dirt road. After running for a few minutes, Mr. Antliver heard sirens wailing in the distance over his loud panting. They were getting louder so he veered off into an open field, covered in sweat and wheezing but still jogging forward. The sirens were getting louder and judging by their sound, Antliver knew they would be on top of him soon. He took a glance over his shoulder and saw a police car screech to a stop on the side of the road. An officer was already running after him. "Hey, you, stop right there!" the policeman exclaimed as he began to chase Antliver. Panting heavily, Antliver's stamina began to fade; he could barely hold the computer monitor any longer. He could hear the officer's footsteps getting closer and closer. Antliver knew he couldn't outrun the officer, so he turned around and smashed the officer with the computer monitor. It was a clean hit to the right shoulder that staggered the policeman, who then clutched his shoulder in pain. After recoiling sideways, Antliver delivered another heavy blow, this time to the head. The officer dropped to the ground and screamed but managed to pull out his pistol, firing a shot into Antliver's chest before he could bring the monitor down again. Antliver stumbled and fell over. He dropped the monitor to his side, gravely injured. His journal fell out of his pocket in front of him. With his last breaths, Antliver flipped to the page with the picture of Salikas, his love. "My baby... I will... never give... up... on... y..." Those were his last words, he never got to see his true love, his beautiful, sexy, 5-bladed beauty.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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