Why did jimmy fall of his bike? Because jimmy was a goldfish

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Why does the sultan of Turkey wear red suspenders? So that his pants wouldn't fall down.

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What do you call the alarm system in a failing inner-city school? A dumbbell!

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What's brown and sticky? Anal rape

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A elementary school child was waiting at the bus stop for the bus to come. All of the sudden, the bus comes around the corner, pulls up, stops and he gets in.

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Q.Whats funny about death A.You die

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A man walks into a bar. He is an alcoholic with a family of four and is ruining his life. -Tag

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Q: Why are black people so good at basketball? A: Because they are black!

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Why did the chicken cross the road? WHO CARES!!

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what do you call a white man surround by a bunch of black men in prison a congraulation ceromony (and gang rape) pppppppppppppppppppeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeennnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnniiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiissssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss

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*knock knock "there's a door bell"

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your mommas so ugly it is affecting her self esteem!

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knock knock who's there? a murder who? a murder who kills you and your family.

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Womens rights

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Whats the difference between an elephant and a tomato. You put tomatos in a salad.

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Two cowboys are in a kitchen. The first one says, "I feel at Home on the range!" To which the second replies, "Is that because of your extensive culinary background?" The first cowboy breaks down in tears because he has never pursued his real dream.

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Q: Why did Sally fall off the swing? A: She had no arms. Knock, knock. Who's there? Not Sally.

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You again? Well, ill answer again then. Ill be fine, I just got some wounds and got beaten into a coma which nobody was sure I was going to wake up from so details where hidden. As for this Neo guy, I have no idea who he is and where he arrived from, but if he is gone, it wont matter. Lets just say I wont die from these wounds, some people disagree, but I have overcome far, far worse, so trust me, these guys told me I had two weeks to live about a month ago, and the doctor that was there at my birth told me I had two months to live and would never develop a consciousness... I digress and my japing mouth disagrees with his statement regarding my not being able to learn or understand fluid language, hah... ...As for you Golgo12 "some people deem me insane", id say most people do, except six million of them, and I do not plan to leave this realm just because my lifelong dream is set, there is still much to do, point zero is not exactly a nice place at the moment, but technology and money can do wonders, we soon plan to expand things. Sorry everybody else, I am too tired to answer anything, id say something sooner, but I officially beat the record of 11 days without sleep by not being able to sleep for 14 days, and then I raged when I read you need to hold on for at least six weeks on valium if you want to quit cold turkey. Technically docs say I am on 30 mg, but fuck I can handle 20 just fine... Cant say the same about none. Ill gladly share more details, but if I cant sleep soon, the damn pain will keep me awake all night long... Besides I am hungry... Which is good, my nurse (Alice is damn cute lucky me) was concerned about me refusing to eat, thats over... Oh yeah the details, I got some burns (lets not go into details, lets just say that for you that call me pretty face, this is no longer the case) They shattered my knees, but my kneecaps "broke on their own" (dad) when I was four, and you guys know I can run and all that. Except that they put some shit on my eyes before I broke free, but I managed to wash it away, so while I need some glasses until I see if laser surgery can fix my vision again (I doubt it, its not how it works) I will apparently be wearing glasses that Alice says makes me look "cute and nerdy" which to me sounds like Nerdy. Fine I got to eat, so if you have any more questions, feel free, and if Eliza got any more, I ask you guys let her go first, its not like "YOU ARE ALIVE?!? AGAIN?!" Is a question I need to answer to each of you rite? Well now or... Never (aka next week or something) so get moving...

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What is an Anti-Joke? This is.

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What's the difference between dogs and humans? 8.

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why was there a man outside the 56th floor window? he was a window washer and needed the money.

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When I was a kid, I had a clown at my birthday party. He molested me. Later I found out the clown was my dad.

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What is shaped like a duck without a beak? A duck that I punch the beak off of.

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Q: What did Batman say to get robin into the Batmobile? A: Robin, get in the Batmobile!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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