What do you call someone who takes a toaster into their bath? Adele's number one fan.

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"We have such clean water we drink and do a lot of other stuff with it" The American said. "What other stuff do you do with your clean water" The African Child said. "Well we take showers in and we go to bathroom with it" The American said. "So let me get this straight you even take a Shit in it to" The African Child said.

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A girl dropped her pencil while sitting next to her bf... She glanced at his phone while he was texting a message that said "I love you"... The girl jumped up and called him every name she could think of and left the room... The message was to his mother! She didn't listen and left him... He killed himself because she left him... She killed herself because he killed himself... Moral of the story: Don't drop you pencil!

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A man buy's a new lawn mower, it breaks so he takes it back. The shopworker says that if you don't have a recipt then you cannot replace it, the man goes home and months later catch's a flu.

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What do you call a man who walks at your door in a Saturday morning? A jehovah witness.

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What is worse than finding a worm in your apple? Diarrhea

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What's red and smells like cherries Cherries

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What is the biggest, most elaborate lie? Santa Clause

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why did little Hannah not like the poem "Roses are Red" because she was colorblind

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who is awesome? no one...

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a man walked into a bar.... when i say bar i mean a metal pole, the man suffered from concussion

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I have read and agree to the Terms of Service

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God is almighty, as such he ANSWERS TO NO ONE! Moral: What you praying for then bitch?

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Why did the golfer wear two pair of trousers? Because he's a wanker

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what has four legs but cant walk? a dog after A-N-A-L

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What's the difference between Micheal Phelps and Adolf Hitler. Michael Phelps is an Olympic swimmer who has won many gold medals in the 2008 Olympics in swimming races and is considered to be one of the greatest swimmers ever. Adolf Hitler was a terrible man who was the leader of the Nazi party during the World Wars. He ordered to kill eight million Jews, causing what is called the Holocaust. He is considered one of the worst men in human history. Other immature people would say Micheal Phelps can finish races.

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What do a dog and a tree have in common? BARK!

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An old bear-wrestler dies and finds himself at the pearly gates. Confused and at a loss for words due to the unfamiliar circumstance and lack of public toilets, he blurts out "Saint Peter, I presume?" but it was just the train conductor. "Ticket please." He searched his pockets and finally found the ticket. He wished he had a dog, but not a seeing-eye dog because people would assume he was blind. This story illustrates the importance of situational awareness, remembering which pocket you put your ticket in, and not forgetting to go before you leave because you don't know when you'll be able to find a restroom.

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What do you call two black men kicking a ball? Soccer.

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"Hello?" "Is your refrigerator running??" "Yes..." "Oh. Well then have a nice day."

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why jews dont believe in God? Jews believe in God, its just that their god is different from ours !

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What's pink and wrinkley and hangs out your pj's? Ya nanna :)

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If life gives you lemons, don't accept them because you have a citrus allergy.

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Why haven't the Miami "Big Three" won a championship together? They don't play as a team. They rely on three people to score all their points when there are at least two other people on the court at all times. They jinxed themselves because they thought they were going to win every title until their contracts were up.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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