A wise man once said, "Your life is your habits." So simple yet so true. My habits include: Breathing, having my heart beat, producing brain waves, and other regulatory bodily processes.

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What's black and white and red all over? The newspaper classified section after a man has abandoned long, futile job hunt. He has crossed out all the potential jobs with red ink. He was laid off due to the downturn in the economy and will now have to get food stamps, which is very embarrassing for a man who has worked to support his family his entire life.

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knock knock your nana had a cardiac arrest and thankfull dead now

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What did the brick say to the face? Nothing bricks don't talk.

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What is the difference between a jew and a tree a tree is awesome and a jew is a jew

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Your friend is so gay that he came out of the closet and was accepted warmly by his friends and family for who he is a human being.

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What is the best type of pepper? Well, some people say that the yellow pepper is the sweetest and most delicious, although others prefer red, green or orange peppers.

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If you have ten apples, and I take away three, then you will only have seven apples left, because ten minus three is seven. On the other hand, if I have a hundred apples, and you take away ninety-six, then I will call the police on you because that is stealing and it is not allowed.

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What's the difference between a pile of dead babies and a Ferrari? I don't have a Ferrari in my garage.

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Why couldn't the dog say anything to the cat? It was born deaf.

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Someone said you sound like an owl Who?

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How do you wake up Lady Gaga? You poke-her-face

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I black guy was walking down a street when he saw a beautiful women and said to her that she looked lovely

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What's the difference between a white man and a black man? The colour of their skin.

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why did the woman cross the road? to get to her full time job as a lawyer.

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ok so what is big yellow and can not swim well dont look for the answer deuce bag

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a mom tell her kid not to play with knives ten years later tells her kid not to play with knives and the kid asks y and the mom says because ur older brother killed his father and himself playing with knives so the kid said mom i promise i wont do that then kils his mom and himself

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Did you hear what happened when the President, the Pope and the Dalai Lama went golfing? Neither did I.

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If Earth is a triangle, then why are trees smart? Because turtles have 4 legs

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Whats worse than breaking your toe? Being raped

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How many Jews can you fit in a Volkswagon? 5 comfortably

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How do two porcupines make love? Well actually it's doubtful that porcupines feel higher emotions like love - they pretty much just mate for reproductive purposes.

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why did the internet crash? it didn't

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Why do you almost never hear Americans complain about doing their laundry? Because they have a washing machine and they realize the majority of people in developing nations do their laundry by hand, using a wash board.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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