How do you get a blonde to break a nail? Smash her finger with a wrench.

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How many years old is Chuck Norris? The same amount of years that it has been since he was born.

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how many large people can you fit in a bath tub ... 1/16

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What did the baby say to its mother after breastfeeding? Nothing

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A man calls 911 911: hello? Man: sorry wrong number.

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That didn't hurt.

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Smart Blondes

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What's white or grey or brown or green or black or yellow or purple ? Could be almost anything, really.

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What did one muffin say to the other muffin Holy shit a talking muffin

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Knock, Knock! Who's There? Your neighbor, I found your lost cat! Oh thanks!

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How do you wake up Lady Gaga? "Poker Face"

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A catholic priest held a puppet show at a kindergarten. The children were a very polite audience and the event was considered a great success.

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Q: If Jack Bauer is partially gay, then what are you? A: His sidekick -Ryan Vallee

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how do you get to your favorite chinese restaurant? Wok.

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What do you call six million jews? Dead.

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How much did the Holla Cost?

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Did I tell you about the day I put PaulMckenna on a hypnotic state so he believed he put me in a trance? That was fun, everybody applauded, then he got sad when it was not him they where applauding at, funny guy, a bit of an amateur, he spends hours "priming" people in a hypnotic state, and then in his videos triggers it so it makes it seem like he does it instantly, next to Igor Ledohowsky and Richard Bandler, I might just be one of the best and youngest hypnotists alive. Speaking of which, my wife knows the complicated yet strong feelings I got for you, and feels safe around me because of the same reasons you do, and the fact that I can spot a worry and a tear before people do, especially those I love and care about. Wait I am not done, I just need to eat before I space out.

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Q: What is black, white, and red all over? A: A nun in a blender.

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A guy walks into a bar and orders a water because he's the designated driver

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It was just Michael J. Fox's birthday I wonder if he got in trouble for shaking his presents.

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YOLO MAH BROLO

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Trashcan!

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What do you call a man with no arms and no legs on the front porch? Matt What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a hole? Phil What do you call a man with no arms and no legs floating down the river? Bob

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Why God isn't a woman? Because Moses wouldn't last it 40 days on the mountain if that was true. And he also wouldn't come back with only 10 rules.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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