- Anti Joke

A: how do u wake up lady gaga? B: you poke her face

peter charastabopouloulous

2 dogs one jar of peanut butter

Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

Whats the difference between football and basketball? Absolutely everything By darragh Hamilton

What time is the dentist appointment? Time for you to get a watch

Why did sally fall off the wings? She had no arms Knock knock Who's there NOT SALLY HAHAHAHA LOVE YOU JK

A muslim walks into a gay bar.

Pickup line: Hey do you like flowers? Because you stole my flowers.

What do you call a puppy with no limbs? It doesn't matter, he's never coming back.

knock knock! who's there? a fat salesperson here to deliver your supplements

Bob goes swimming in the ocean. Due to the fact that his father sexually abused him as a child, and never taught him how to swim, he drowns.

What are the four season of Canada? Cold, cold, cold and road work.

Juggling lions and breast feeding.

whats stupid and gay all of my friends

How many Jews does it take to fix a gas leak?...

Q: how do u piss off a plumber? A: kill his whole family

whats your name? bumder:)

There was this women at a banana festival, but she didn't like bananas. So she split

Knock Knock Who's there? Rob Rob! I haven't seen you in ages come on in.

When life gives you lemons, find someone with a papercut.

A man runs over a woman with his car, whose fault was it? The woman's for trying to cross the street in the dark without a crosswalk.

Q: What sucks? A: Straws

A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as that could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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