What did the Lumberjack say before cutting down the tree? Nothing, it's his job.

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Republicans

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A man from China is learning English and when confronted by a cop accidentally answers each question with one of the few words he knows, impugning himself in the process. The cop, not being a sociopath, realizes that the chuckling foreigner probably has no idea what he has just done and hands him a dictionary to help him cope with the drastic change.

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What do you get when you mix your mom and your dad? YOU!!!

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Joseph had been temporarily blinded for over a year. While blind, he saw the doctor who told him he would regain sight the next morning when he woke up. For this special moment, Joseph decided that the first thing he wanted to see was his wife. So, his wife decided to stay up all night so she was in the right position for when Joseph woke up. However, when Joseph woke up and opened his eyes his wife wasn't there so he was a little bit annoyed.

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A man walked into a bar and it hurt.

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Your mom is so ugly she plans on using you college funds for getting plastic surgery

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Student: This guy is bothering me! Teacher: And you expect me to do something about it?

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Q:What did the hillbilly say when he lost his tractor? A: Where is my tractor

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Q: What's the quickest way to a woman's heart? A: Through her ribcage.

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Yo mama is so fat, she had to get liposuction.

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Why did the black guy only turn left? Because he was mentally retarded and couldn't tell left from right and had no idea where he was going

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Q: whats worse than getting aids? A: Giving your mom aids.

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Why do flamingos hold up one leg?f If they held up two they'd fall down.

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That moment when you touch your balls then sniff your fingers and realize it smells good.

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Why did Lady Gaga arrive at the Grammy's in an egg? Because she was born that way.

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1+1 =? Too

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what do you call a retarded kid? jack kamstra

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What does the alien say to the man? Nothing, because it is highly unlikely that an alien would ever land on Earth, and even more unlikely that they would speak the same language of us. On top of that, aliens would not know anything about our species, and would probably hide from us due to being frightened and eventually flee back to their home planet where we would never see them again because our techonology is not advanced enough and the chances that we would find their planet which is somewhere among the billions of planets in the universe, are slim.

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Q: When is the best date to walk out your door in New York? A: 9/11

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A fat guy walks into a bar and the bartender says, "the regular?" The fat man replies, "actually this time I wanna try something different."

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Roses are red my name is Dave this poem makes no sense, micorwave

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What's worse than smelly feet? Smelly hands.

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A Priest, a Rabbi, and a Methodist minister were playing golf. The Priest won by one stroke.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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