What is black, has either black or yellow stripes, and cannot climb trees? A parking lot.

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What did one ear say to the other ear? Did you hear that?

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A teacher notices one of her students clutching a cat. She asks him why. The boy, tearfully, explains that he heard his father tell his mother that he was going to eat her pussy when the kids left for school. The teacher laughs and, the class being 10-11 years old thereby at an age approaching biological curiosity, decides to mix this in with a sex education video she was planning on showing them a few weeks later. She then phones the boy's parents who come to collect the cat while reassuring the boy that it is in no danger. The cat was popular with the boy's classmates and they would often go to visit him as a result. Many years later, just after the boy started attending university, the cat was put to sleep at the age of 13 due to liver cancer. The boy placed a Facebook post in honour of his feline friend, which was spotted by a former classmate of his in a routine search who happened to be attending the same university. They ended up reacquainting and beginning a sexual relationship, which was how the boy lost his virginity and eventually blossomed into a 37-year marriage resulting in three children.

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According to astronomy, when you wish upon a star, you're actually a few million years late. That star is dead. Just like your dreams.

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Why is jim gay? because he likes men

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What is an Anti-Joke? This is.

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A ninja walks into a bar the bartender asks "what would you like?" The ninja says "i'll have two green eyes" the bartender says "we dont have green eyes this is america" so the ninja is so mad that he goes home and brutally beats his wife with a spatula.

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A) Knock Knock. B) Who's There? A) Me. B) Oh, well I'm in the shower, just give me five minutes. A) OK, I'll wait in the kitchen, is it cool if I heat up a hot pocket? B) Yeah sure, just not the pepperoni one, I only have one left and I was saving it for lunch. A) Alright.

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A black guy and a few other white guys steal a keg. They then proceed to have an awesome party consisting of extreme inebriation and a massive orgy.

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A fish swims up stream for his natural spawning cycle. The fish was out of shape and died from heart failure.

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Why do I know Vin Diesel is gay? Because I sucked his dick

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I saw a butterfly yesterday with no wings so I poured some red bull on it and BAM! it drowned.

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Roses are Red Violets are Blue I have five fingers and one of then is poking at you

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Why is this an anti-joke? Are you laughing? Exactly.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it had cancer.

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What's the difference between a freezer and a baby? A freezer doesn't scream when I pack my meat into it.

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A completely inebriated man walked into a bar and, after staring for some time at the only woman seated at the bar, walked over to her, placed his hand up her skirt and began fondling her. She jumped up and slapped him silly. He immediately apologized and explained, "I'm sorry. I thought you were my wife. You look exactly like her." "Why you drunken, worthless, insufferable son of a BITCH!" she screamed. "Funny," he muttered, "you even sound exactly like her."

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A man calls 911 911: hello? Man: sorry wrong number.

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Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

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How do you kill a blonde? you shoot her.

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What do you get if you cross a banana, a mango, and an apple? A smoothie

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What do you call a black guy with a fan? An African American male Homo Sapien who is most likely hot and sweaty and is probably trying to create cold air and then reduce how hot they are likely reducing the sweat glands natural instict to create ameliorate of sweat and then make him feel better.

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Q: If Jack Bauer is partially gay, then what are you? A: His sidekick -Ryan Vallee

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Whats brown and slippery? A brown slipper.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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