What did one ear say to the other ear? Did you hear that?

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According to astronomy, when you wish upon a star, you're actually a few million years late. That star is dead. Just like your dreams.

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What is an Anti-Joke? This is.

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A ninja walks into a bar the bartender asks "what would you like?" The ninja says "i'll have two green eyes" the bartender says "we dont have green eyes this is america" so the ninja is so mad that he goes home and brutally beats his wife with a spatula.

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Why is jim gay? because he likes men

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A) Knock Knock. B) Who's There? A) Me. B) Oh, well I'm in the shower, just give me five minutes. A) OK, I'll wait in the kitchen, is it cool if I heat up a hot pocket? B) Yeah sure, just not the pepperoni one, I only have one left and I was saving it for lunch. A) Alright.

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Why do I know Vin Diesel is gay? Because I sucked his dick

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A fish swims up stream for his natural spawning cycle. The fish was out of shape and died from heart failure.

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A black guy and a few other white guys steal a keg. They then proceed to have an awesome party consisting of extreme inebriation and a massive orgy.

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A minor walks into a bar. He's not very good at limbo.

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I saw a butterfly yesterday with no wings so I poured some red bull on it and BAM! it drowned.

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Roses are Red Violets are Blue I have five fingers and one of then is poking at you

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What's the difference between a freezer and a baby? A freezer doesn't scream when I pack my meat into it.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it had cancer.

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"I love you terribly!" said the girl to her new boyfriend. "That's kind of ambiguous..."

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A completely inebriated man walked into a bar and, after staring for some time at the only woman seated at the bar, walked over to her, placed his hand up her skirt and began fondling her. She jumped up and slapped him silly. He immediately apologized and explained, "I'm sorry. I thought you were my wife. You look exactly like her." "Why you drunken, worthless, insufferable son of a BITCH!" she screamed. "Funny," he muttered, "you even sound exactly like her."

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A man calls 911 911: hello? Man: sorry wrong number.

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What do you get if you cross a banana, a mango, and an apple? A smoothie

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How do you kill a blonde? you shoot her.

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What do you call a black guy with a fan? An African American male Homo Sapien who is most likely hot and sweaty and is probably trying to create cold air and then reduce how hot they are likely reducing the sweat glands natural instict to create ameliorate of sweat and then make him feel better.

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Q: If Jack Bauer is partially gay, then what are you? A: His sidekick -Ryan Vallee

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(Knock Knock) Who's there? You were late paying your mortgage and now your house is being repossessed by the bank.

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What do you call six million jews? Dead.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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