A man walks into a bar and says "ouch."

What is black and hangs from trees in my backyard? Not black berries because black berries come from a bush.

What did the avocado say to the person? I can't talk

Blonde walks into a bar. Man walks up to blonde and says a pick-up line. Blonde says "Crap, this is a gay bar?"

What did the stuffed animal say to the human after the human said hi? Nothing, after all stuffed animals can't talk

Chuck Norris doesn't do pushups, his personal trainer designed a regiment for him that didn't involve them.

What did the cat say when you rub it's stomach? Nothing because felines don't have the needed vocal organs to speak, and probaly wouldn't know english do to the size of there brain.

What's worse than your family dying in a fire? Nothing, that really sucks.

What did the fish say? Moo

What do you call 6 dead people on your front lawn? A mass murder

Have you ever had Ethiopian food? Neither have they!

I get no respect at all. That's because I am a liar and a thief with no redeeming qualities.

What would you call the fatty cranial mass surrounding a malignant tumor? Ted Kennedy's Head.

whats worse than a dead baby? A pile of dead babies and their grieving mothers standing over them. thats what.

What is Freddie Mercury's favorite planet? Earth.

A black man, a Jew, and a homosexual are at a bar together. They drink for a few hours, during which time they catch up with each other and share stories, as it has been some time since the three of them have seen each other. After they are done drinking, they call a friend, who comes to pick them up and take them home. What a fine example of drinking responsibly.

If I had a dollar for every funny joke on this site... I would have quite a few dollars. I would't be rich, but I'd have enough money to pay for me and three friends to go see a movie. So I'm talking like $40-$55, give or take. However, do keep in mind that that cost does not include the purchase of any popcorn/food/beverages.

Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven was a homicidal maniac.

A Woman decides she wants to stop making sanwiches for her sexist boyfriend. She walks away and lives a happy life. In hell.

What do you get when you mix a dog with speeding bus? Nothing, you can't mix those two things.

John: Hey Bill, ORANGE you in the mood to go to a Phillies game? Bill: Yes! So let's make like a banana and raise our potassium levels drastically and leave right away to beat the rush hour traffic.

So, I was eating out this girl Until I tasted something like horse semen. So I looked up at her and said; " Ah grandma, so that's how you died ! ".

Knock, Knock Who's there? Joseph. Joseph who? Joseph Brown. Oh, hello Joseph! Why don't you come in? No thank you.

How do you prevent aids? Nail an orphan to your genitals before sex.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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