What do video games and school have in common? Nothing, nobody likes school

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, WTF is this, i gotta take a piss.

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What does shit and fire have in common? Hitler gave both to jews.

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Why did Suzie fall off the swing? Because she had no arms. Knock knock Who's there Not Suzie.

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Q: What do you call a women with 2 bowling pins? A: A women with 2 bowling pins.

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what do you get when you put a baby in a blender? salsa how to you get it out? tostitos

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roses are red violets are blue oranges are......

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Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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Yo momma eats healthy, exercises regularly and is likely in decent physical condition.

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What do you call a cow that went through a earth quake? A dead cow.

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Excuse me, do you happen to have the time? No.

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What do you call a black person with food stamps? A freeloader.

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Roses are Red, Violets are blue, I Love The Music Only Jazz and Blues.

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What happened after September 11, 2001? September 12, 2001

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what language does the turtle speak? i dont know I'm not a turtle.

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a man walked up to me and said someone is dying with long terminal cancer i said who? man replies your cat. i replied i don't have a cat. man says whoops wrong person

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What did the Anti-Semitic man say to the Jewish man beside him? Hello.

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If you give a mouse a cookie... ...you're destroying its natural diet. It might die.

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A blonde walks into a bar. She is rushed to the hospital and treated for a broken nose and a busted lip. She now has a deformed nose.

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Why can't Helen Keller drive? Because she's blind. Also, she's been dead for 43 years.

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What's white and sticky? A sticky polar bear.

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I'm off to my tank guys!

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what's 2 + 2? i don't know that's why i'm asking you

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Why does Snoop Dogg need an umbrella? Fo' Drizzle

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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