How do you kill half the population of Mexico? A preemptive nuclear strike.

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Justin Bieber walked into a gay-bar, The whole world applauded.

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Did you know Hellen Keller had a swing set? No? Well neither did she.

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A man is on an operating table. His heart stops beating and he suddenly finds himself at the Gates of Heaven. St. Peter approaches him. "Welcome, my son," St. Peter says. "I can't believe it," the man exclaims, "I've died and gone to Heaven! I-" St. Peter interrupts him. "Not quite yet, my son. You must first answer three questions. You will only enter Heaven if I deem you fit to do so." The man nervously agrees. "All right. First question," St. Peter says. "Did you ever commit a sin and never sought forgiveness?" The man thinks long and hard. "No, I always made sure to apologize." "Splendid," St. Peter responds. "Did you attend church every Sunday?" The man loses some of his former confidence. "I may have missed the odd week." "That's fine," says St. Peter. "One last question... Do you believe you are worthy of entering the Gates of Heaven?" The man answers nervously, "Well... yes, yes I do." St. Peter smiles. "Congratulations, my son. You have passed the test, and may enter Heaven!" The man is ecstatic as the pearly gates open up for him. He enters Heaven and is astounded by its magnificent beauty. The man then loses all brain function and dies on the operating table.

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Its true, he didnt write that!!

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Q. Why was the dad sad? A.His favorite team lost in the championship.

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Why do black people sit so far back in their seats? Because they're used to sitting in the back of the bus

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Your mother is so fat........... that she is morbidly obese and is at severe risk for diabetes and other weight related diseases.

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Why did the Mexican cross the road? To get home.

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What's worse than a tornado that kills your whole whole family? Nothing.

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Why did Timmy fall off the swings? -Because he had no arms Knock knock! Who's there? Not Timmy

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A duck waddles into a bar. He orders a drink and promtly drinks it vecause he has had a hard day at work.

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in 2001 a man was working happily in his office cubicle and got an email from his boss saying that he had great news for him. filled with excitment he knew he was getting A big promotion and could finally afford that new toy his kid has always wanted. Feeling great the man walks up to the office window to enjoy the view he notices a very large commercial airliner flying straight towards his office.

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watermelons are red, pineapples are yellow. i'm not a poet, say hello for me.

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What do black people and apples have in common? Nothing.

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Why was Timmy sad? While helping his dad hang Christmas light, he got tangled up in them and fell down. While falling he grabbed a wire, which caused a spark. This spark lit the house on fire. Since he broke most of the bones in his body from falling he could not run away. The house proceeded to collapse an poor Timmy seriously injuring and hideously disfiguring him. By the time the ambulance got there, Timmy was the only survivor for his parents died of smoke inhalation. Since he had no other living relatives he was forced to live in an orphanage for the rest of his childhood. That is why Timmy is sad.

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How do you drown a blonde? You hold her head underwater for a long time.

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Q: What do you call a black girl with braces? A: A black and decker pecker wrecker

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Why did the car stop. someone threw a cow at it.

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A man is eating a sandwich. He is promptly shot in the face.

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Eating the worm

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How do you turn a broken skateboard into a gleaming Rolls Royce? With magic.

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Why didn't the boy run the marathon? He was cripple.

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Why didn't the boy buy his mom a gift for Christmas? He was killed by a drunk driver two years ago

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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