How many dogs does it take to screw in a light bulb? Dogs do not have aposable thumbs therefore they cannot screw in light bulbs

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Why was Bootylatrice tardy for school? -She overslept.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, Barrack Obama shops at Baby Gap

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Q. How do you break into a store that's closed? A. You walk in, I was lying about it being closed.

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Why did the man complain of pain in his ankle? Because several consecutive tissue samples of the area revealed a rapidly metastasizing neoplasm. Blood samples indicated the presence of what appeared to be Hodgkins Lymphoma. The man was very wealthy, however, and had world class doctors treat him. He then donated a vast portion of his wealth to research. 12% of the donated money went into studying the medicinal effects of Twinkies.

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What did the man do after he took a bite of his pie? Chew. After that? Swallow. Then? Repeat.

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Why do they censor everything on here? Because **** **** ******* *** ***** *****.

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Why couldn't the eleven year old get into the pirate movie? Because it was rated PG-14 and he was unaccompanied by a mature adult.

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A man met a genie that granted him three wishes. I wish I could fly. The genie gave him a plane ticket. No, I want to really fly for real! The genie put him inside a plane. Okay, I wish I was unable to die then! The genie killed him. Moral: Not every story needs to make a fucking sense.

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How long did it take for Michael to screw in the lightbulb? 37 minutes. Michael has cerebral palsy.

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Q: What did Hellen Keller say to the pizza delivery man A: Stop raping me.

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Why could the girl climb out of the pool? She drowned

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Q. What is a brown cow called? A. A cow.

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women have rights

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A woman walks into a bar. She gets hit on by every guy in the bar. After hours of being hit on she finally has enough and asks the guys to stop. The guys Say "ok im sorry". She leaves.

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an englishman an irishman and a scotsman walked into a bar there was no welshman. they didn't phone him due to his uncontrollable thirst for violence

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what's black and blue and has red all over it? A dead body ^_^

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Why did the blond do so horribly on the SAT's? She was pulled outside halfway through her testing session by the school janitor who molested and murdered her in the bathroom.

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25

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There was a homeless man living all by his lonesome on a street corner, desperately begging for money. Suddenly, a car comes to a screeching halt and out of the window flies a thin, square piece of plastic. The hobo successfully catches it in both hands. "Whats dis?" he says, "What da hick can I do wid a stinkin wada plastic?" he says, failing to realizing the significance of the thin square of plastic, for he is but a hobo and has been out of touch with reality for quite some time. After some time, he gains back his common sense, "Aha!" he shouts, "it is but a condom!" A few days pass, the man wondering alone in search for a way to make use of his prized, plastic square. He encounters a beautiful female hobo (at least he thinks she is) and they make love. So not only does the hobo make use of the silly condom (which expired-he just doesn't know) he get's laid and keeps warm in the brutal winter weather by getting cozy with the hobo chick. There are some pros in being a hobo, you know. After a month, both hobos make the faithful decision to join their cardboard boxes together, thus creating a new home where they live happily ever after <3

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Steve,Jerry and tom all go into the mens toilets, because they are men.

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Chuck Norris walks into a bar. Everybody leaves except Michael Jackson. Michael Jackson never walked out alive

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Why can't Helen Keller drive? She is blind and is therefore ineligible for a driver's license.

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How do you get a clown to stop smiling? Throw a brick at him.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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