What has 4 eyes and can't see. Blind siamese twins!

thumb_up thumb_down +53

What do you call someone in Manhattan who goes to see a Broadway show and then stops in at a local bar for a few drinks? A taxi, if they request you do so.

thumb_up thumb_down +51

A Muslim walked out of a bomb shop.

thumb_up thumb_down +51

One man says to another "Hey you have banana in your ears." The other man replies "I can't hear you, I have bananas in my ears."

thumb_up thumb_down +51

When I'm sad I cut myself... another slice of cheesecake.

thumb_up thumb_down +51

How did Helen Keller meet her husband? On a blind date.

thumb_up thumb_down +49

Whats red and hurts if it hits you in the face? a brick

thumb_up thumb_down +49

Whats the difference between a Ferrari and 1,000 babies? The Ferrari is expensive and the babies are in a nice hospital.

thumb_up thumb_down +45

Why did the jew tie his shoes? because his shoes were untied

thumb_up thumb_down +45

Why did the girl fall off the swings? Because she has no arms Why can't she get back up? Because she has no legs Why won't anyone help her up? Because she's a woman.

thumb_up thumb_down +45

A teacher notices one of her students clutching a cat. She asks him why. The boy, tearfully, explains that he heard his father tell his mother that he was going to eat her pussy when the kids left for school. The teacher laughs and, the class being 10-11 years old thereby at an age approaching biological curiosity, decides to mix this in with a sex education video she was planning on showing them a few weeks later. She then phones the boy's parents who come to collect the cat while reassuring the boy that it is in no danger. The cat was popular with the boy's classmates and they would often go to visit him as a result. Many years later, just after the boy started attending university, the cat was put to sleep at the age of 13 due to liver cancer. The boy placed a Facebook post in honour of his feline friend, which was spotted by a former classmate of his in a routine search who happened to be attending the same university. They ended up reacquainting and beginning a sexual relationship, which was how the boy lost his virginity and eventually blossomed into a 37-year marriage resulting in three children.

thumb_up thumb_down +43

Why does no one we talk about Nagasaki, they got bombed too...

thumb_up thumb_down +43

A Priest, a Minister, and a Rabbi walk into a bar. The bartender looks up and says, "What is this, a joke?"

thumb_up thumb_down +43

Ms. Smoot's class

thumb_up thumb_down +43

How many prostitutes do I have to kill in order to get an erection? Three.

thumb_up thumb_down +43

What did the bartender say to the bugatti owner? "Don't drink and drive"

thumb_up thumb_down +43

Why did the chicken cross the road? It didn't. It got hit by a bus.

thumb_up thumb_down +41

I like my women like I like my coffee Without a penis

thumb_up thumb_down +41

what is long, black and looks like a curly-hair? A curly-hair

thumb_up thumb_down +39

My butt!!!!

thumb_up thumb_down +39

a car drives off a cliff whos driving? an asin woman!

thumb_up thumb_down +39

A blind man walks into a bar

thumb_up thumb_down +37

A grasshopper goes into a bar It is stepped on and crushed.

thumb_up thumb_down +37

How much does a polar bear weigh? The average male weights approximately 1150lbs.

thumb_up thumb_down +37

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops