Q: What did one car say to another? A: Nothing. Cars can't speak.

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knock knock who's there? i eat mop I eat mop who?

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no

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A man walks into a bar. We see him as he approaches the register wearing a dark hoody. The surveillance camera seen here catches a glimpse of the man's face appearing to be a white male with mustache and beard. As you can see the man opens the register and takes the money before the bartender can get to him. If you have any information about this crime please call crime stoppers at 1-800-GET-HELP. In other news, the DOW JONES reached a record high today as investors in China begin working on keeping the economy from plundering.

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What's the main reason for divorce? Marriage.

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Buy one packet of condoms for the price of two packets of condoms, and you will be given a second packet of condoms ABSOLUTLEY FREE!

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A-B-C-D-E-F-G-R-U-D-T-F With me

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What's worse than being held hostage? Waking up and finding dick your mouth

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A flock of ostriches run into a mine field

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What job function does a blonde have in an M&M factory? Quality control or some other function.

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According to standard table etiquette what is rude when someone passes you the salt? Jamming a fork in their eye

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Friends are like potatoes. If you eat them they die.

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What did one muffin say to the other muffin? Nothing because muffins can't talk. The other muffin replied, 'What an odd conversation starter!'

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Did you know Hellen Keller had a tree house? No Neither did she

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Why? Because!

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Why did the man float in the lake? Because he had more fat than average, so he was very buoyant

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Osama Bin Laden and a monk walk into a bar. Mistaken Identity. It was the Dalai Lama, Osama is dead.

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What happened to the man that jump out of the airplane with no parachute? He landed on a baby and both died almost instantly. The authorities were called and they took care of the situation flawlessly.

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What's the difference between peanut butter and jelly ? Among many things, one is made with peanut butter, the other with fruits.

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A marine biologist is captured by a group of violent pirates. After hours of being tortured, the pirates make him walk the plank. As he is pushed on to the plank, they ask him for his one last request. He responds "Kill yourselves." The pirates proceed to stab themselves until they bleed out and the marine biologist is the last man on the boat.

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A blind man walks into a bar with a guide dog in one hand and his girlfriend in the other. The bartender says "Nice dog." The blind man says "Thanks."

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what did Santa Claus say to Nikki Minaj? I really admire your musical talents

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What did Hellen Keller call her dog? Kamikaze-go, because he was an Akita from Japan and that was his name.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? It was making a suicide attempt.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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