There was an Englishman, an Irishman and a chest of drawers. The Englishman put a flask of coffee in the top drawer without even looking. Diane hates wrestling.

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what do you call a black pilot? A) a pilot

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What do you call a former pope. Dead!

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friends are like potatoes you eat them they die

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Why wouldn't the man in a wheelchair see out the window? The curtains were closed

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Two kids walked into a bar. One jumped over it

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69 HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH *goes crazy and shoots himself*

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Person 1 What's good? Person 2 Your mom's love making

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An Asian teenager bought his first gun, and proceeded to go hunting with his father in the wilderness.

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Do you want to hear the best joke ever? Me too!

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What do you call an 8 foot anxious priest painted purple named harold? Harold.

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What's 17 times worse than a 3? I don't know, personally I don't think 3's are so bad.

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Roses are black. Violets are grey. I'm a dog...

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whats white and sticking?... glue, you dirty bastard

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Why cant Jesus play rugby? Cause he's nailed to a cross

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A muslim bought tickets for a 3pm flight. It was 11am, so in the mean time, he went to a bar to loosen up. His bomb vest accidently went off early, killing everyone in the bar. The flight arrived on-time in San Fransico.

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd probably put all the labials, coronals and dorsals in separate places sorted into plosives, nasals and fricatives, with the vowels at the beginning sorted by their relative IPA chartings, to make it more logical and easily attainable to foreigners.

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Why didn't the boy buy his mom a gift for Christmas? He was killed by a drunk driver two years ago

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Whats worse than finding a worm in your apple? -death -kidney failure -gall stones -getting in an automobile accident -getting struck by lightning -getting sodomized -embezzlement -deception -HIV/AIDS -illness of any nature -world hunger -the holocaust -Zimbabwe's economy -getting hit by a train -getting hit by a bus -the hives -getting bit by an alligator -head injuries -being arrested -childhood obesity -sexual predators -highly impoverished areas -losing a finger -getting hit with a bat -corruption -general rudeness -being lost in the woods -contracting a sexually transmitted virus -teen pregnancy -murder -rape -robbery -going blind -losing a child -falling down a well -bestiality -identity fraud -massacres -racism -genocide -mental disabilities in children -bullying -food poisoning -stepping on a nail -eugenics -the mass murder, rape, and theft of the land from the Native people of America -forced assimilation -slavery -brain deteriorating illness -matricide -prostitution - accidentally repeating yourself -prostitution -domestic violence -animal cruelty -pollution -deforestation -global warming -losing your life savings -still birth -oppressive leaders -physical conflicts -world wars and other military conflict -the situation in Rwanda -Inequality in treatment of women in middle eastern countries -auto theft -tax evasion -terrorism -being diagnosed with cancer -clinical depression -prostitution -finding two worms in your apple

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I accidentally washed my white Labrador retriever with three red shirts and my Red Sox baseball cap. When I went to move the laundry, the dog was drowned.

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I raped someone in my basement... ...Just Kidding!... ...I dont have a basement

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Your mom is so old so will die soon.

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Q: What do you give a woman with everything? Nothing. You own nothing to give.

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Whats the difference between a car and a dead child? I don't have a dead baby in my basement.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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