why didn't little johnny show up to school on friday? little johnny died two months ago from cancer. he hasn't been to school in a year.

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A blonde walks into a library. She is a commerce major.

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A guy is walking on the beach one day when he stubs his toe on something shiny. Digging in the sand he finds an old, tarnished lamp. He takes it home and liberally applies polish, then puts it on his mantlepiece, it completes the look he was going for in his room and he feels like all his wishes have come true. His wife dies in a car accident later that day.

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What do you call a black man jumping off a bridge? Suicide.

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There was once a simple man. His life was far from what could be described as extravagant, living alone in a dingy apartment full of leaking taps and insects and lacking a working refrigerator. He wasn't an ungrateful man but he often wondered why life was cruel to him and prayed every night for something magical to happen, whether it be a brand new life, or even something simple like a new fridge. One fateful late afternoon as he staggered along the dim backstreet, partially crippled and pained from his standard day of labour, he came across a brass lamp just laying in the street. Glancing around, the man bent down to pick it up, knowing very well the story of the genie in the lamp having just watched Aladdin the previous night. Peering into its dull surface, he saw eyes staring back at him, eyes he didn't recognise. Anxiously, he ran his hands over the surface of the lamp, feeling the coolness of the metal on his rough blistered hands. But nothing happened! Disappointed but desperate for his dreams to be fulfilled, the man frantically shook the lamp, tears streaming down his face, wonder how life could be so cruel. Then a fridge fell out of the lamp and crushed him and he died the end.

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Why couldn't the black man sleep at night? His eye lids were cut off

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John has 38 candy bars. He eats 28. What does he have now? Diabetes. John has Diabetes.

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Q. What is green and has wheels? A. Grass, I was joking about the wheels.

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The neighbours challenged me to a water fight so I am updating Anti jokes while i let the kettle boil.

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What do you call a black man in the olympics? An olympian.

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What is the square root of 69? 8.306623863

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lick my ballsack.... ok

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how do you kill a jew? inject him/her with gratuitous amounts of cyanide until they cease to have brain function and a pulse.

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Barack Obama

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how do you make a family tan? You burn them in the house.

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Q: how do u piss off a plumber? A: kill his whole family

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Why did the man buy a large butcher knife and a shot gun at 3am while his family was asleep at home? because he suffered from insomnia and figured running some errands would give him something to do. his wife had also been telling him that their current knife was getting old and rather dull and since one of his favorite hobbies was duck hunting he decided it wouldn't hurt to buy a new gun considering it was on sale for a reasonable price

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Who wakes up in the morning feeling like P. Diddy? P. Diddy.

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A Priest, a Rabbi, and a Methodist minister were playing golf. The Priest won by one stroke.

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Your mom is so fat, when she sweats, it is more than the normal amount of sweat.

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A Haiku Haiku's are easy But Sometimes they don't make sense Refrigerator

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What do you call a person with a big ass head? A person with a big ass head

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How did the carpenter do on his exam? Poorly so his parents killed him.

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I watched the news yesterday and they were talking about the conflict in Libya. I changed the channel.....

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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