A guy is walking on the beach one day when he stubs his toe on something shiny. Digging in the sand he finds an old, tarnished lamp. He takes it home and liberally applies polish, then puts it on his mantlepiece, it completes the look he was going for in his room and he feels like all his wishes have come true. His wife dies in a car accident later that day.

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Why did the man buy a large butcher knife and a shot gun at 3am while his family was asleep at home? because he suffered from insomnia and figured running some errands would give him something to do. his wife had also been telling him that their current knife was getting old and rather dull and since one of his favorite hobbies was duck hunting he decided it wouldn't hurt to buy a new gun considering it was on sale for a reasonable price

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The neighbours challenged me to a water fight so I am updating Anti jokes while i let the kettle boil.

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Q. What is green and has wheels? A. Grass, I was joking about the wheels.

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John has 38 candy bars. He eats 28. What does he have now? Diabetes. John has Diabetes.

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Q: how do u piss off a plumber? A: kill his whole family

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how do you kill a jew? inject him/her with gratuitous amounts of cyanide until they cease to have brain function and a pulse.

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how do you make a family tan? You burn them in the house.

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Barack Obama

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lick my ballsack.... ok

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What is the square root of 69? 8.306623863

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What do you call a black man in the olympics? An olympian.

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A Priest, a Rabbi, and a Methodist minister were playing golf. The Priest won by one stroke.

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Your mom is so fat, when she sweats, it is more than the normal amount of sweat.

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Who wakes up in the morning feeling like P. Diddy? P. Diddy.

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A Haiku Haiku's are easy But Sometimes they don't make sense Refrigerator

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the gay man's house. Knock knock... Who's there? The Chicken

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You're so gay you actively seek homosexuals relationships.

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Chuck norris walked into a bar. He went up to the bartender, clenched his fists and gave him some money

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What do you call a guy so fat that he can't fit in a bath tub? A guy so fat that he can't fit in a bath tub.

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Why did the man drink the milk? Because he was a baby.

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What do you get if you cross a sheep and a kangeroo??? ... A sheep cannot be crossed with a kangaroo because the genes from sheep cannot work with genes from a kangaroo to produce hybrid sheegaroos or kangareeps.

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What's red and hurts your teeth? A brick.

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How did the carpenter do on his exam? Poorly so his parents killed him.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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