Two nuns walk into a bar. There is a monkey between them, that they are both holding hands with. The bartender looks to them, and says "Hello sisters, I am sorry, but we do not allow wild animals into the bar. He's gonna have to wait outside," to which one of the nuns responds, "Oh, do not worry, this is no monkey, this is one of our sisters." The bartender is very confused. He chuckles, and says "Alright, well then your sister is going to have to wait outside." The sisters look at each other confusedly, but take the monkey outside, put it on a leash, and tie it to a pole. They proceed back inside, have a few drinks, and leave. The next night, the bar is a little more crowded. The bartender looks up and sees the two nuns entering. He checks to make sure there is no monkey with them, and there is not, so he goes back to serving drinks. A few minutes later, the two nuns are at the front of the bar ready to order drinks. The bartender smiles at them, "No monkey this time?" he asks. "Not tonight," says one of the nuns. "Alright," says the bartender, "what can I get you?" "I'll take a double bourbon," says one of the nuns. "I'll have a gin and tonic, and she'll have the same" says the other nun, motioning to a rhinoceros on her left. "What the fuck!!" yells the bartender. "How did you get this inside?! Where did you even get a rhinoceros?" He realizes these questions are unimportant, and runs to call animal control. By the time he turns around, however, the rhinoceros is gone. He goes to talk to the bouncer. "Dude, why do you keep letting in wild animals?" asks the bartender. "The hell are you talking about?" asks the bouncer. "Last night, two nuns walked in with a monkey, and tonight they somehow got a rhino past you. You didn't see that??" the bartender snaps. "Three nuns came in last night, and three came in tonight. No monkey, no rhino," the bouncer tells him. Meanwhile, as they walked home to the convent, one of the nuns says "Man, I haven't been drunk in weeks." One of the other nuns turns to her and says, "Well, maybe you should stop turning into an animal every time we get into a bar."

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I had a grammar lesson yesterday. I learned how to speak more good.

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Your mom is so fat that she is fat.

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Yo momma's so dumb, she's not smart.

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Christopher Reeve walks into a bar.

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What do you call your fist? Trying to talk to an appendage would indicate that you suffer from mental issues stemming from dysentery or lack of oxygen, and as a medical professional, I would recommend seeing a specialist.

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There were two oranges in a bowl. One orange said to the other "Hello my orange friend". The other orange screamed because he did not know oranges could talk.

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Women are definitely a full time job.. You should be paid to have them......

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What do you do when a blonde throws a hand grenade at you? Run.

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Hi.

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Not having an apple at all. Yet only worms to eat, such as the the poverty stricken citizens of Ethiopia.

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What time is it? Actually, that sentence is grammatically wrong: what is IT?

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What's the difference between an alcoholic and a drug dealer? An alcoholic is an extremely corrupted, and unhealthy living person. Though so is a drug dealer... They are both very harmful situations in many ways.

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why was six afraid of seven? because seven threatened to kill him and his family.

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What did the boy with cancer get for christmas? The video game he really wanted.

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If you're happy and you know it - put your hands in the air i have a gun.

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A man walks into a bar. Another man walks into a bar.

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how does a black woman find out if she is pregnant? she takes a pregnancy test

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Why did i drink 4 sodas? Because i was thirsty

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A visibly exhausted and distressed man walks into a bar and orders a strong drink. "Long day?" the bartender asks. "Yes" the man replies, because he is aware that the bartender wasn't actually asking if the day way long, but rather if the day was hard.

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Roses are red Violets are blue I'm not good at poems Nice tits

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What do you call a fly with no wings? A fly.

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-Knock Knock. -Come in.

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Gestapo.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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