What has two eyes, two arms and two legs........ a woman who lost her baby to a miscarrage.

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Why did Susie fall off the swing Because she had no arms. Knock knock... Whose there... Not Susie Why did the plane crash Susie was flying it

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A black man walks into a bar with a parot on his shoulder. The bartender says "Hey you can't bring that in here!" The Parot replies "Sorry i'll have him wait outside."

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When you're climbing up a ladder and you feel something splatter, you may want to see what happened, and then promptly clean up the mess so one one slips.

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horrible joke I I I I I I I VVV

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A black man, an Asian man, and a white man are stranded in the wilderness after their plane crashed. The black man has a flashlight, the Asian a bottle of water, and the white man a can of beans. They put their racial differences aside to increase chance of survival but were eaten by a pack of coyotes.

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How come Pluto and Goofy are both dogs, but Goofy can talk and Pluto can't? Goofy sold Pluto into slavery in exchange for the power of human speech.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have ADHD, Oh look a butterfly...

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Why can't Hellen Keller Drive? Because she's dead.

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An Asian walks out of the library.

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Knock knock. Who's there? John John who John

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how do you wake lady gaga up? you punch-her-face

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Why can't Helen Keller Drive? Because she's dead.

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Why was it sad that the kid was playing football? He had no arms and legs and he was the football.

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Why cant little billy jump? He was aborted.

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A grasshopper goes into a bar It is stepped on and crushed.

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Kid 1 "Man this is the hardest poop i've ever taken." Kid 2 "Maybe it's because you ate the Happy Meal toys." Kid 1 "You know what? I think you're right. Commotion ensues as the toilet bowl fills with blood as the action figure has cut the inside of his large intenstine. He is screaming in pain. Kid 2 reacts quickly getting him to the hospital just making it in time before Kid 1 passes out. Thankfully he survives but has to get surgery. Meanwhile, the family dog Buster decides to drink the blood poop water from the bowl and dies from poisining.

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why was the girl screaming? She was getting raped from behind by her dad.

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Uh, erm, uh...I don't know.

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Why was the lemon not feeling well? Because it had lemon aids.

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Do you have liquid tape? No ( But he really did)

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd probably put all the labials, coronals and dorsals in separate places sorted into plosives, nasals and fricatives, with the vowels at the beginning sorted by their relative IPA chartings, to make it more logical and easily attainable to foreigners.

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Why did little Suzy fall off the swing? She didn't have arms. Knock knock Who's there? Not Suzy.

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what do you call a man that just got brutally murdered? i don't know, check his birth certificate.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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