What is the difference between a pile of dead baby's and a Lamborghini I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage

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A woman should not be in the kitchen.

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Why did i drink 4 sodas? Because i was thirsty

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What did the blind man do in the dark room? Nothing, he couldn't see.

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Q: Whats worse than 8 babies in one bin? A: 1 babies in 8 bins

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Ask me if I'm a giraffe Are you a giraffe? Yes

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Hellen Keller went to town, riding on a pony, stuck a feather in her hat and called it ERRMMMMM UAHHHHHHHH...

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Roses are black Violets are black Everything is black. ~Stevie Wonder

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Knock Knock. Who's there? Doctor. Doctor Who? Doctor Watson - I'm here to see your little sister who is currently terminally ill and every second is of vital importance. Therefore this exchange of words is only worsening the already terrible situation that we find ourselves in. Please open the door.

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*Ring* *Ring* Bartender : Hello? Stranger:Is Mike Hunt their? Bartender: Mike Hunt! Is Mike Hunt here?! Mike Hunt: Oh thank god! I've been anticipating this phone call for a while now! I've been stranded here for hours and my wife's been killed and the killer is still out there!

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Why was little Johnny crying? He is regularly raped by his father.

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Did you hear about the elderly bank robber? Me neither.

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THere was three bees eating Honeynut cherrios one of them had a speech impediment.

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A priest, a rabbi, and a whale sit down at a bar. The priest says to the bartender, "Jesus Christ is our savior." The rabbi responds, "No. Our savior has not yet been born." To which the whale adds, "MMMUUURRRAAAAAAOOOUUU!!!"

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What do you get when you cross a zombie with a beer? Nothing because zombies are just another subject dealing with the occult.

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What do you call a fly with no wings? A fly.

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So a man walks into a bar, he meets a few friends, has a few beers, and at the end of the night he calls a cab to drive him home

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So a woman is in the kitchen. And she makes the most delicious turkey salad for her 4 hungry children and her husband. They love Jesus

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How do you scare a 5 year old girl? Stick your dick out.

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A blind man accidentally walks into another man whilst walking along a sidewalk. The man yells at the blind man, "Watch where you're going!" He then apologizes for his rude behaviour, not noticing right away he was in fact, blind. To show how truthfully sorry he was he took him out for beers the following evening. Soon after they became close friends and now share an apartment in Denver, Colorado.

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Two trains, each having a speed of 30km/h, are headed at each other on the same straight track. A bird that can fly 60km/h flies off the front of one train when they are 60km apart and heads directly for the other train. After reaching the other train, the bird flies directly back to the first train, and so forth. What is the total distance the bird travels before the train collide? Who cares about the bird if two trains are going to collide? You need to call this in immediately.

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What happens when you ask a blind guy to drive you somewhere? What happens if you ask a blind guy to drive? You will end up in a four way accident with 8 people dead 2 of which children and 1 baby. You might survive but the blind guy won't so you will have to go to court for him on the issue. You realize that you are terrible when it comes to the law and you get yourself thrown in jail for 2 years. When you get out you are so tired of getting butt raped that you go out and do it to someone else. Then you go back to jail an the process repeats it's self because this is the American justice system. We could work on it a little bit. But yeah, don't ask a blind guy to drive, your butt will thank you.

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Hey, we're both lawyers.

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Whats black and white and red / read all over * a bloody penquin * nun falling down the slairs * news paper * a clumsey panda

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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