Roses are Red, Violets are blue, Run Quick, Before I eat you and die of obesity due to high blood pressure and bad heart disease!!!

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Why wouldn't the man in a wheelchair see out the window? The curtains were closed

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What's the Capitol of Washington dc? W

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What do black people and apples have in common? Nothing.

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What's brown and sticky? Poo

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A kraut walks out of a synagogue with no one dead

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A guy and a girl look at a dog licking his crotch and the guy utters "damn I wish I could do that" The girl says: I can totally do that! "really? prove it" the guy says. The girl walks towards the dog and says "you just need to pet him so he don't bite you"

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was dead. Why did the sloth fall out of the tree? Because it was holding hands with the monkey. Why were the monkey and the sloth holding hands? Because they were best friends.

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Why did the seal get confused when a spider tried to high five him? Because spiders have eight legs.

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I'm a little teapot, short and stout. Here is my handle, here is my spout. When I get all steamed up here me shout: Absolutely nothing because I'm a teapot you maniacal psychopath.

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How many wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? None. They prefer digging burrows for hibernation.

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What's white and likes to likes to take frequent jogs? Stephen Hawkings, I meant so say remain motionless

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Guy: Im bisexual. Girl: Im thermosexual. Guy: ? Girl: Im only attracted to hot things. Which isnt you.

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Why didn't the lactose intolerant man get a drink at the bar? He was the designated driver.

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How did the bald lady die? Of cancer

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Why was Timmy sad? While helping his dad hang Christmas light, he got tangled up in them and fell down. While falling he grabbed a wire, which caused a spark. This spark lit the house on fire. Since he broke most of the bones in his body from falling he could not run away. The house proceeded to collapse an poor Timmy seriously injuring and hideously disfiguring him. By the time the ambulance got there, Timmy was the only survivor for his parents died of smoke inhalation. Since he had no other living relatives he was forced to live in an orphanage for the rest of his childhood. That is why Timmy is sad.

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Why couldn't the man reach the police on his phone after his leg was hacked off by a serial killer? He had AT&T as a service provider.

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Roses are black. Violets are grey. I'm a dog...

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whats pink and fluffy? pink fluff. whats blue and fluffy? pink fluff holding its breath.

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Why don't they sell aspirin in the jungle? Because it is not financially viable to sell pharmaceuticals in a largely unpopulated area.

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Why did the baby cross the road? It was stapled to the chicken.

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What can a bench do, that a south African man cant? Support a family. (I HOPE THAT WASN'T RACIST)

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Her lips aren't proportionally fit to her face

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69

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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