Sarah got hit by a bus.... Knock Knock Who's there? Not Sarah

thumb_up thumb_down +15

So one day a man walks into a bar. The bartender asks him what he would like to drink. He said he would like a glass of water. The bartender said "why come all the way to a bar just to get some water." The man responded "well its a longer walk to the coffee shop."

thumb_up thumb_down +15

I was trying to think of a joke to write, but then I became unsatisfied with my creativity and began to spiral into a depressing tangent of thoughts. I just took 37 Ambien, and have approximately ten minutes to live. Instead, I will spend my last moments writing goodbye messages to friends on Facebook and longingly looking at images of the past. Goodbye, world.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

A Jew and a Muslim are sitting in a bar. The Muslim asks the Jew for some money to buy a drink. The Jew said, "how much?" The Muslim said, "$7.00" The Jew then said, "yes."

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Hey i just met you and this is crazy i suck at rhyming door knob

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Yes. Just Yes.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Why did the boy fall off his bike? Because he fell off his bike.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Why was the puppy sad? It was burning alive

thumb_up thumb_down +13

What did the man do with his bread He ate it

thumb_up thumb_down +13

What did the deer say to the hunter? Deers are animals, they haven't yet evolved enough to talk..

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Your mother is a man.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

What do you call a deer with no eyes? Blind.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because chickens are not very intelligent and was scared by a shadow. The chicken's survival instincts caused it to cross the road, away from the shadow. The chicken crossed the road safely, and is now happily pecking at worms.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

What do you get when you cross a lion with a rhinoceros? A trip to the hospital and animal cruelty charges.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

"Up to 50% off."

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Why was the black man hanged? He was charged with piracy in the 1500s..

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Roses are red Violets are blue Some poems rhyme This one doesn't

thumb_up thumb_down +9

What's the difference between a computer and a television?

thumb_up thumb_down +9

whats pale and white your ass.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Why did Mary fall of the tire swing? Because she's a dumbass

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Q. On a scale of 1-100, how immature are you? A. 69.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

What did the black man say when he received cold fried chicken at a restaurant? He very politely asked for it to be warmed up, and exuded nothing but elegance and class.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

What's black and hangs from my tree? A black man. I am a racist.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops