- Anti Joke

What's the best thing about having sex with twenty one year olds? The orgasm.

What happens when you throw a green rock into the Red Sea? It gets wet.

Not as much as a psychopath, I mean I feel sick as hell and getting out of here would be a welcome change, I am simply pissed, I mean not even Major Dumbass here deserves half the treatment Nero underwent, but lets put that away. Yeah you have been told where we are at huh? I can come get you, I have not changed much, except I might not exactly be much of a good shoulder to cry on, but I suppose it will do if you want, since I know you, I am the least of a merc you will find around, besides you know, I did always remind you and myself of your old man, sorry I just left, I am sure you understand its not fun to play second banana... Well not that you and him apparently, nor you and me, okay never mind about that, I just welcome a change of pace that`s all, I mean one thing is killing some assholes, another thing is this torture thing, but I wont stop my men, and a certain twisted woman from doing what they obviously love, as you might have read beforehand, it could come most useful. If it is worth something, I cant even stare at these things, but I wont lie, I ordered it. Lookie at me, trying to sound nice and pleasant around you, listen I appreciate if I can come pick you up myself, I might not be much of a listener nor all that, but I need to at least find out if I am truly becoming a psychopath here, if I am, I am pretty much screwed. I mean we are all angry here, but yeah. Sorry to say you have to decipher the codes in order to contact us in the future trough our little system, (procedure safety protocols and such yadayada) but I can get someone to pick you up during the next seven hours or so, and I am seriously and honestly not in the mood for anything... Fancy, so I suggest a hotel room or something, as I know that little shack of you is neither safe nor pleasant (which makes it the perfect hiding place ironically, I wish that damn mastermind was alive today, Nero would have changed the world without it even knowing it given the chance (not saying he did not but you know) I wont lie, I am kinda nervous seeing you again, then again I just threw up for the last time. Since there is no coding here whatsoever, its just what it says, I suggest that you do not respond if there is no problem if I pick you up, and believe me, you do not want to wait here, I mean it is my deal to supervise all of this, but if nothing else, let me come get you since I am not exactly proving to be much of a leader when it comes to this torture thing (clean shot to the head is more my style apparently) and well, what can I say, I am hungry and the food dont stay down here so I cannot wait to find a good excuse to get the hell out of here. Sorry, chatting almost as much as your late old man (he was always better at mindfuck and cracking jokes while dodging gunfire though, fearless bastard), seven hours, I need my 3 hours after all of this, and since you are quite beautiful and I have had to see a completely new side of some of my "men" today i think it is definitively better that I get you in person just in case. (actually our "lady" here, is the worst sadist but you get my point). Who and what is this Metal Gear Solid btw? I always told your old man that playing videogames rather than practicing would get him killed some day, but hell, I think I am joking, the man had so high fever they had to go get a thermometer which could register higher degrees of cold and then heat, and as far as we got from our point, he fought like a true soldier, and then the damn Spetz brought on their Nazi brothers keeping us occupied. Did I mention that General Dumbass here was the one supposed to lead the charge? I told your late old man that he should wait, but Nero rarely got that cold stare man, its as if he told me right there and then "You know that son of a bitch is never going to turn up", honestly I would have gone in there first if I could, but Nero well, while we have no idea how he was standing (he kept having trouble distinguishing reality from fever stuff) I honestly think he knew he was going to die anyway, because these bastard doctors apparently told us he was going to be fine when he was alive, then changed their story, I hope you do not mind we killed em all, had they been honest, maybe Nero would have stayed home, yeah we all know that is a lie, on the bright side Nero knew he was a goner, your bio-dad wrote the last words for him, and yeah, Nero charged forward before the old reaper could get him. I need to get sleep first, I am dead tired which would leave me chatting ten times as much and as fast as I am typing. Seth Nothing Never knew my parents, was raised by my older sister which for some reason refused to tell me my real or last name, and I thought that would make me a sissy... Well compared to some here I am.

What's worst then the holocaust, titanit and 9-11 4 bee stings.

guess what chicken butt

Why was the crocodile depressed? It wasn't; given the primitive anatomy of the reptilian brain, modern biopsychoneurological evidence suggests that reptiles feel only basic emotions such as fear or anger.

Looking for a job in this economy is like trying to find employment during an extreme economic downturn.

Three children are celebrating Christmas, Joey got a toy train, Janey got a barbie doll, Know what Jimmy got??? Cancer.

How many dead babies can fit in a bathtub. Twelve. A previous joke said seventeen, that person had their facts wrong. I know from experience

A man is walking down the street when he stumbles upon a school, every school in the area had an American flag outside it, so he sees the flag and atop this flag a man is sitting and he doesn’t look comfortable. Next to the flag pole is a chair with a flag attached to it and the wind is as strong low down. So he looks at the man and says "Sir I think you may be using those wrong." The man on the flagpole says "why?" So he says well this chair is flat and made for sitting and this flag pole has a draw string for the flag. The man atop the flag pole says "I'm sure good will come of this…..im sure." the man says "What good could possibly come of this!" and the man on top of the flag pole looks at him and says "Later……………..you can tell this story to your friends and disappoint them when they find out theirs no punchline."

How is it possible for a man to get raped? Easy. He lied.

Not much of an anti joke but here we go... - What do you get when you cross a jew and a potato? - A Baked potato!

call of duty is how they say it, calla duty is how we say it...

What did the bird say to the squirrel? Chirp

What did the skeleton say to the man? Nothing.

Your mother is so fat that when she passes in front of the tv, I lose 3 seasons of the series

What did the 85 year old man do after having the sex of his life? He found out he had AIDS.

Why did Jimmy fail his math test? Because he had a mental disability

A: Knock knock knock B: "Who's there?" A: Knock knock knock B: "Who's there!?" A: Knock knock knock B: "God dammit who's there!?" A: "Penny?"

Dude? What. Dude? What! Wheres my car?

There was a seal and polar bear on the same iceberg. The polar bear turns to the seal and says "Roar!!" Then the polar bear ate the seal.

Your mother is a man.

Two chemists walk into a bar. The first says, "I'd like some H2O" The second says "I'd like some H2O as well." Nobody dies.

Blarg

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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