There once was a man from Nantucket, whose dick was so long he could provide women with more pleasure than the average male.

thumb_up thumb_down +44

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs sitting on your couch? My brother.

thumb_up thumb_down +44

What did the blind man do in the dark room? Nothing, he couldn't see.

thumb_up thumb_down +42

Ask me if I'm a tree. Are you a tree? No. Ask me if I'm a bush. Are you a bush? No.

thumb_up thumb_down +42

Who can jump higher than a mountain? Everyone, mountains are incapapable of jumping.

thumb_up thumb_down +40

3 men walk into a bar. The fourth one ducks.

thumb_up thumb_down +38

So two muffins are in an oven. They get baked.

thumb_up thumb_down +38

Roses are red, Violets are blue, Dandelions are yellow, and so are sunflowers.

thumb_up thumb_down +38

Q: What is black, white, and red all over? A: A nun in a blender.

thumb_up thumb_down +38

A horse, a duck, a pig, and a muslim walk into a bar. The horse ducks, the duck's hoarse, the pig's in a blanket, and the muslim has a can, being surprised how far a can can preach in Chicago. The bartender reminds the muslim that he entered with a swine, and the muslim is embarrased for the horse.

thumb_up thumb_down +38

Knock, Knock. Who's there? The wind. The wind who? ...

thumb_up thumb_down +38

Yor Mama is soooooooooooo fat, when she looked in da mirror... it cracked.

thumb_up thumb_down +36

What's long, hard, and full of semen? a penis.

thumb_up thumb_down +36

whats long and hard and full of seamen a penis

thumb_up thumb_down +36

Wanna hear a good joke? I don't.

thumb_up thumb_down +36

You are in England which has a law about not moving traffic when these idk some kinda swans cross the road. You see a fat woman in a car and she is waiting for the swans to cross the road and she can't drive the car else she would get in trouble by law. What do you do? Feed her

thumb_up thumb_down +36

A student goes up to the teacher because he has to go to the washroom. The teacher tells him that he has to sing the ABC's before he can go. So the boy sings, "ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ." The teacher said he did a perfect job and could go to the washroom. The boy went on to become a billionaire. Congrats!

thumb_up thumb_down +36

Why did the little boy cry? His entire family was shot and killed at his elementary school play.

thumb_up thumb_down +36

what do you call a Ukranian woman without a visa? my maid

thumb_up thumb_down +34

Why are "Polish" and "polish" spelled the same? The word is a homophone.

thumb_up thumb_down +34

Q:Whats worse then finding a worm in your apple A:You have AIDS

thumb_up thumb_down +34

What is funny about 9/11. Nothing, it was a tragic day for the world.

thumb_up thumb_down +34

How can you tell that a blonde has been using a computer? You can't. There's no common link between computing habits and hair color.

thumb_up thumb_down +34

A guy and a girl look at a dog licking his crotch and the guy utters "damn I wish I could do that" The girl says: I can totally do that! "really? prove it" the guy says. The girl walks towards the dog and says "you just need to pet him so he don't bite you"

thumb_up thumb_down +32

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops