Whats worse than a bunch of teen-agers throwing kitrens at my house I didn't save them because I thought they were jehovahs witness's

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how do you get a clown off a swing??? hit him in the back with an ax!

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What did the dog say to the human. "Woof."

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is mayonnaise an instrument?

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A man is kidnapped shortly after being diagnosed with a new type of cancer in his left hand and is also left handed. When he is dropped off after being kidnapped it turns out a doctor hired the kidnappers to bring him a patient. The doctor notices the tumor is still in a stage where it hasn't spread to the rest of his body. The docter then claims to have a way to remove his cancer with minimal damage to the rest of him. So the doctor pulls out a laser sword and cuts off the man's left hand and says,"There, no more vancer for you!"

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What's room temperature and tastes like ice cream? Melted ice cream

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Why did the chicken cross the road? He didn't because he was dead.

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What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over? I don't know, I don't look when he bends over because I don't like him like that. He's just a friend, that's all.

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There was a man who bought a cat. He fed it well. It got so fat.

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Where did Sally go when the bomb hit her? All over. Knock knock Who's there? Not Sally

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What is worse than being blind? Having a brain tumour.

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What's grey and looks good on policemen? your mom.

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Tom Petty walks into a bar and the bartender says, "I'm sorry, you are visibly intoxicated. We cannot sell you liquor." The bar explodes because someone said no to Tom Petty.

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What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? Nothing...he found it.

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How do you make a homeless man cry? you throw away his trash.

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GIRLS that think they can out-drink MEN.

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What did the robot say to the centipede? STOP BEING A CENTIPEDE!!!! It's funny cause the robot ain't got no arms.

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Why didn't the depressed girl go on facebook? She was dead

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What's the difference between Paris Hilton and a cow? Cows are ruminants, meaning that they have a digestive system that allows use of otherwise indigestible foods by regurgitating and rechewing them as "cud". Paris Hilton, on the other hand, is a human being. Therefore, her stomach digests the bolus (masticated food) only after it has exited the oesophagus into the body of the organ, where it is digested into chyme and then passed through the pyloric sphincter into the duodenum.

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Whats pink and fluffy? Pink Fluff

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Suicide.

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How do you stop a train? Throw a fridge at it.

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What do you call cheese that's not yours? Someone else's cheese.

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What do a grape and a spider have in common? Both have 8 legs..... Except for the grape.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops