What did the cat say to the dog? "Meow."

thumb_up thumb_down +44

A penguin was waddling along one day and saw a seal.. The seal stood up and procceded to talk and jump and even twirled around... The penguin realized this was impossible for a seal to be doing this so he hopped on his unicycle and just rode home because he was going to be late for his piano recital

thumb_up thumb_down +44

What happened to the guy who ate an alarm clock at 6 o'clock in the morning? He nearly died, and was diagnosed with numerous dietary problems.

thumb_up thumb_down +44

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?". The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then the man said "he has a pulse". The operator then calmly stated "we are sending a helicopter to air lift him out of there as we speak". The man got helicoptered to the nearest ER, and the doctors did their best to save him. He ended up having to go on life support for three years until his family members finally decided to pull the plug. The medical insurance didn't cover life support and the family went broke because of it.

thumb_up thumb_down +42

Little Miss Muffet Sat on a tuffet, Eating her curds and whey; Along came a spider, Who sat down beside her But was offered the window seat, Because this was Little Miss Muffet's stop

thumb_up thumb_down +40

why is 4 afraid of 5? Because Monkey's eat purple pineapples

thumb_up thumb_down +40

Why din't the boy get a Christmas present? Because his dad go hit by a bus.

thumb_up thumb_down +38

Black Veil Brides.

thumb_up thumb_down +38

What sits in a corner and travels all the way around the world? A stoner on hallucinogens.

thumb_up thumb_down +38

What do you call a black guy with a fan? An African American male Homo Sapien who is most likely hot and sweaty and is probably trying to create cold air and then reduce how hot they are likely reducing the sweat glands natural instict to create ameliorate of sweat and then make him feel better.

thumb_up thumb_down +38

How many kids with ADHD does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Popsicle!

thumb_up thumb_down +38

What do you call a lawyer who came from the ghetto? Someone who did quite well for themselves despite coming from a tough area.

thumb_up thumb_down +38

What's funnier than the Holocaust? Most things, as the Holocaust was a terrible tragedy.

thumb_up thumb_down +38

Why did the addict choke himself with a trash bag? His family couldn't afford a funeral and it was the quickest way to disappear.

thumb_up thumb_down +38

Two drums and a cymbal fall down a cliff. Ba-dum pssh.

thumb_up thumb_down +38

h

thumb_up thumb_down +36

Q: What's worse than 10 dead babies in a tree? A: I'm sure there are lots of things.

thumb_up thumb_down +36

What did the boy do when he got locked out his house go on anti joke and make a stupid joke about him being locked out

thumb_up thumb_down +36

Q: what's red and goes up and down? A: a tomato in an elevator

thumb_up thumb_down +36

how do you make money? you roba bank! :)

thumb_up thumb_down +36

One time I went into a haunted house. It was just pretend ghosts but then I saw a real ghost there. It was scary.

thumb_up thumb_down +36

A man was building a new kitchen for his wife. Just as he was installing the sink, his wife comes running into the kitchen and starts cursing. "What's the matter?" he asks. "Don't you like the new sink?" His wife replies, "I love it. But come quick, there's a spider in the living room!" The man walks over with a paper towel, grabs the spider, and throws it into the garbage. The wife looks at the husband, smiling, and says, "Thanks."

thumb_up thumb_down +36

There once was a rose that was red Violets are blue Knock Know who's there? Man I gotta quit huffing glue

thumb_up thumb_down +34

Why couldn't Hellen Keller drive? She was a woman. Why couldn't hellen Keller have fun at the zoo? She was blind and deaf.

thumb_up thumb_down +32

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops