There are two types of people in this world. People who can count, and people who can't.

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While on a business trip, a Jim got a call on his cell phone. It was his best friend. He was informing Jim of his wife's death in a terrible train crash. She didn't die on impact, but her legs were cut off by metal debris from the train car in front of her. She fought against the pain and used a shirt she found from a dead body to stop the bleeding. She managed to drag herself to the nearest road crossing, where someone drove her to the hospital. Despite her efforts to survive and the surgeons efforts to save her, she died that night as a result of excessive blood loss. After he hung up, Jim turned up the ringer volume on his phone because he couldn't hear it very well when it rang.

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What do you call a Mexican who gets shot on a golf course? A tragic incident.

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Why did Hellen Keller get hit by a car? She didn't see it coming. (TD)

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Friend: I said pass the juice, not gas the jews! Hitler: Oh.

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Hellen Keller

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Did you know every 46 seconds somebody commits suicide Thumbs up for pancakes!

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What's worse than failing out of high school? Finding out your mom has cancer.

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Whatsthe best way to kill a blonde? Tell her theres a scratch and sniff at the bottom of the pool.

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How do you make a baby cry? Throw a brick at its face.

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- I did your mom last night! - Thanks, Dad.

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Why couldn't the 1 year old talk? It's a 1 year old, idiot, it can't!

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What's the difference between jelly and jam? Jelly doesn't contain pieces of fruit.

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What's red and invisible? No tomatoes.

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Who was worse than Hitler? Justin Bieber

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69

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who can jump higher than mount everest? anyone. mount everest cant jump

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A Higgs Boson walks into a church. The priest says “We don’t allow Higgs Bosons in here.” The Higgs Boson replied, “Well, without me, you can’t have mass.”

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There is a secret society known as Grandma Elbow. What happened to the boy who tried to leave it? All of his limbs were ripped off and fed to a man eating shark by the name of Nigel Tommy Baker. It didn't hurt that much because the boy was forced into eating the waste products of a donkey before this happened. NEVER LEAVE GRANDMA ELBOw!

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What's blue and smells like pee? Pee, I lied about the color

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why did the man crash a plane into the twin towers? he was a clumsy terrorist going for the sears tower

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A guy walks into a bar. He puts an icepack on his head so it doesn't swell, and decides to go out for a drink. He walks into a bar and thinks to himself, "that's twice today, maybe I should just go home."

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What do you call a Mexican with a Green Card? A hard working American Citizen

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Q: What did the hobo get for his birthday? A: Older.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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