A man is kidnapped shortly after being diagnosed with a new type of cancer in his left hand and is also left handed. When he is dropped off after being kidnapped it turns out a doctor hired the kidnappers to bring him a patient. The doctor notices the tumor is still in a stage where it hasn't spread to the rest of his body. The docter then claims to have a way to remove his cancer with minimal damage to the rest of him. So the doctor pulls out a laser sword and cuts off the man's left hand and says,"There, no more vancer for you!"

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D is for diabetes, Cookie Monster, if you keep this up.

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Why did he walk the dinosaur He took an arrow to the knee so much the DJ didn't was paper-plates.

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A mushroom walks into a crowded bar, the bartender says "we don't serve your kind here." Protestingly, the mushroom replies, "why not? I am a spore reproducing eukaryote!" Everyone stares as an awkward silence ensues.

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What did the lion say to the octopus? Nothing, lions can't talk, and even if they did the chances of a lion and octopus meeting are very slim.

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Whats better than the holocaust. Darfur

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What call a black man flying a plane? A pilot you racist.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue.

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One time a man cut off Chuck Norris while driving, and Chuck Norris kindly excused the man's lack of consideration for his fellow drivers.

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Why was the little girl lying on the floor. Because she got shot.

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Why do people always walk so slow when your in a rush to get somewhere? They don't it just seems like that

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What's even faster than the speed of light? The speed you close out of porn when you hear someone coming into the room.

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Man :A homo-sexual panda walks into a gay bar.... Homo-sexual Panda : Wait...wait I'm gonna stop you right there. I will not take part in this odd joke, so just ummmmmm ya. And another thing, my species is extremely offended by your inferior remarks. Why can't homosexual panda just have piece? Man 1: Were the hell did you come from? Homo-sexual Panda: My mother's uterus same as you, retard.

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Why did the boy fall off his bike? Because he fell off his bike.

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A jew, a catholic and an atheist are in the desert. They see a dusty lamp. They take it and rub it. Once the lamp is clean, they put it back on the sand and kep walking.

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Knock Knock No one answers....

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What do you call a horse, a cow, a pig, a sheep, a dog, a cat, and a mouse all walking in a straight line? Animals

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Wanna hear a joke? A joke.

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Q:Why did the man rob the bank? A:He needed money.... duhhh -Ryan Vallee

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If olive oil is made of olives, calculate the mass of the sun.

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BOOBIES!!!!!!!

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A man walks into a car dealership. The salesman was nice and he bought a Mercedes.

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A homeless boy walks up to a woman. "I'm hungry" "Then you should eat something."

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? He was thrown out of the way

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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