What do you call a bird on the beach? A seagull.

thumb_up thumb_down +32

what does the doctor say to the patient. you have cancer

thumb_up thumb_down +32

there are 4 men in a bar talking about how well their sons are doing with their lives. But one man goes to the toilet. So the first man says 'my son is doing really well he is the head of a airline company and for christmas he got his bestfriend a plane.' The second man says' My son is doing really well he has his own car brand and for christmas he got his bestfriend a brand new car.' The third man says' Well my son is doing really well, He owns his own housing estate business and for christmas he bought his best friend a 250'000 sq foot mansion. The fourth man comes out of the toilet and all the three men say ' We are talking about how our sons are doing in their lives so what about yours.' The fourth man goes' well my son is gay but its not that bad because for christmas his three boyfriends got him a new plane, a new car and a 250'000 sq foot mansion.'

thumb_up thumb_down +32

Why couldn't Roger become an astronaut? Because Roger's a toaster.

thumb_up thumb_down +32

Whatsthe best way to kill a blonde? Tell her theres a scratch and sniff at the bottom of the pool.

thumb_up thumb_down +30

A woman gets in her car to drive.

thumb_up thumb_down +30

Q: what's black, white and red all over A: a penguin in a blender

thumb_up thumb_down +30

An Irishman walks into a bar. He quickly exits as he thought it was the Polish restaurant located directly nextdoor. He then enters the Polish restaurant and orders a delicious lunch. He tips his waiter 20%.

thumb_up thumb_down +30

Whats black and white and red all over? A penguin in a blender

thumb_up thumb_down +30

Robin, get in the Batmobile.

thumb_up thumb_down +28

A man walks into a bar. He asks the bartender for a glass of milk. The bartender says, "Sorry we don't serve milk here.

thumb_up thumb_down +28

What do you get when you divide 60000 by 30? A Number

thumb_up thumb_down +28

An Asian oceanographer went scuba diving in the Pacific Ocean. Three days later the coast guard found his remains torn apart by sharks.

thumb_up thumb_down +28

What if I told you that our role our "little team" is not as little as you think?

thumb_up thumb_down +28

Chuck Norris died.

thumb_up thumb_down +28

What did the muffin, say to the other muffin? Nothing. Because muffin's are inanimate objects, therefore incapable of speech, or any other sentient action. They baked quietly until the man who was baking them came to the conclusion they were fit for consumption, devoured them, and went on with his day.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

25

thumb_up thumb_down +26

whats orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot

thumb_up thumb_down +26

minced oaths

thumb_up thumb_down +26

A man walks into a bar and the bartender says "Sorry sir we're closed" So the man goes: "Oh, okay. I wasn't sure if you guys were open till' 10pm tonight" and the bartender goes "No, thats only on the weekends" The man thanks the bartender and proceeded to leave the bar. He now knows the arrive earlier the following day.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Have you heard the story of the empty room? Theres nothing in it.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

What did the bartender say to the midget as he entered the bar? Nothing besides attempting to serve him in the same manner as any other reveller whilst attempting to disguise his sense of pity for the midget's debilitating and somewhat stigmatised condition.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Whats worse than 1 dead baby in a bag? Ten dead babies in one bag.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Why did the chicken attempt to cross the road? To retrieve his dead relatives in the middle of the street.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops