- Anti Joke

What would you do if you're eyes just suddently exploded? You would never see again.

Q: What word contains all the letters in the alphabet? A: A made-up word, probably.

What did the dog say to the human. "Woof."

Do you know what's funnier than 24? 25

Du bist mein Kampf

there's two nuns cycling down a cobbled street. one nun says:ooo iv'e never been this way before! the other nun says:i'm not surprised there's roadworks and a diversion!

What did the lion say to the octopus? Nothing, lions can't talk, and even if they did the chances of a lion and octopus meeting are very slim.

What call a black man flying a plane? A pilot you racist.

Whats better than the holocaust. Darfur

Why did the Jew pick a dollar off the ground? He dropped it.

D is for diabetes, Cookie Monster, if you keep this up.

One time a man cut off Chuck Norris while driving, and Chuck Norris kindly excused the man's lack of consideration for his fellow drivers.

Roses are red, Violets are blue.

women leaving the kitchen

What's even faster than the speed of light? The speed you close out of porn when you hear someone coming into the room.

ive got 99 problems and my diabetes is one of them

Knock Knock No one answers....

What do you call a horse, a cow, a pig, a sheep, a dog, a cat, and a mouse all walking in a straight line? Animals

So one day a man walks into a bar. The bartender asks him what he would like to drink. He said he would like a glass of water. The bartender said "why come all the way to a bar just to get some water." The man responded "well its a longer walk to the coffee shop."

You are welcome, hey, I love hearing that you love me... And I do not hear voices, except yours when I read this. Now take care of yourself for my sake, and yours, we are and have always been a team you and I. You are right, and I did not lie, I said "I am a hydrophobe" and while I do not fear the ocean, showering is like being right back in the hell I crawled up from. Now I dont know if I cant sleep anymore, containing panic is pretty hard with my limited willpower and focus, but it cant be helped, you know Zopiclone does shit to me, but Alice had no idea. It pains me to say it, but then again I told my wife, Eliza, I am in love with you, and have been so for many years, you know, like a man loves a woman, and if you think I am lying, you are just being silly. This is not hypnosis, its just me getting stuff out of my mind to release this tension causing anxiety, and its not cheating, its the very same reason people admit deep secrets to each other when they think they are going to die and such. It might be the stuff in my head talking, but I am pretty smart for a 32 year old guy with lots of drugs in the brain huh? Ritalin just helps me stop being sad which is just how I react on Zopiclone and not how I feel. The reason I know these things and dare consider myself wise, is not because of my dedication alone, it is because I have spent much of my life finding out how to fight off the physical and mental damage my parents caused me, at one time it was something I could barely live with, they drugged me with stuff that made me feel nothing but pain and laughed, then got upset when they discovered I survived. I just recently got far better by realizing that I did nothing wrong to deserve any of it, I just wanted for them to love me, my mother hates my father, so in her eyes I am her worst mistake, but nothing excuses the way they treated me, nothing. Sounds like I am dying, its just fear settling in, I do not fear death, and I would be suicidal if I did not know that nobody can escape death, so why hurry huh? You and my wife inspire me... ...Part of me sees you as my wife as well, I even told my wife I cant help but feel I am married to two people, its not about sex, thats just something I say to put you off, its about the intimacy I feel just being there with you, and now I have copied your energy into aura, you are here with me, the anxiety is gone. Sorry, I just needed to get out lots of stress, in order to fit in peace, and I hope you read this and let me know, because I cannot override the part of my mind that refuses to go into complete calm, unless it knows that I have revealed my feelings, to somebody that cares.

"luke Bastiaan" "So, whens your period?"

How do you catch a squirrel? Use a live, humane trap, and release it back into the wild afterwards.

Why did the boy fall off his bike? Because he fell off his bike.

Why does Susie fall off the swing? I shot her in the head with a pistol.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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