- Anti Joke

Why was johny late to school? He died

Q: what's black, white and red all over A: a penguin in a blender

What did the Muslim do after his friend told him a funny joke ? Laugh.

Q:whats the easiest way to get crabs? A:at your local seafood market.

What's the deal with airline food? It's nourishing matter that sustains life, provides energy, and promotes growth distributed by flight attendants.

How do you find a needle in a haystack? You don't, you're too distracted by the pile of adorable kittens next to it

Roses are grey Violets are grey I am a dog.

Where did Betsy go after the explosion? Everywhere.

A man walks into a bar. The bartender asks what he'd like to drink. The man pulls out his gun, shoots the surprised bartender, and proceeds to execute all the patrons of the bar and finally commit suicide. A post-mortem identification of the man identifies him as a victim of childhood sexual abuse and a diagnosed schizophrenic. There is a nice funeral for all the victims and the media respectfully minimizes exposure of the event.

What abou three times

There once was a rich man who owned a really big mansion, he's a very organised man and likes routine, every day at 6.30pm he goes for an hour long jog. One day he goes out for his jog, when he gets back his mansion is on fire and he can see a little orange man running away in the distance. But he thinks nothing of it. The man has lost a lot of money, but can still afford to move into a slighty smaller, yet still very large house. The next day he goes out for his jog and when he gets back his big house is on fire and again, he sees the little orange man running away in the distance. He thinks nothing of it, but has now lost even more money, and has to move into a regular size house. The next day he goes out for his jog, when he gets back his house is on fire and again he sees the little orange man running away in the distance. He thinks nothing of it and has lost even more money. He is really gutted by this point and now has to move into a single bedroom flat. The next day he goes out for his jog, when he gets back his flat is on fire and again he sees a little orange man running away in the distance. He still thinks nothing of it and has now lost all his money, and has to move into a cardboard box under a bridge. The next day he goes out for his jog, when he gets back his cardboard box is on fire and again he sees a little orange man running away in the distance. He is sick of this and decides to chase the little orange man. When he catches him he tackles him to the ground, turns him over and asks.. did you burn down my mansion, my big house, my average sized house, my flat, and my box? The little orange man replies no.

What do you call a blond harvesting penuts a penut farmer.

What do a comb and a guitar have in common? Neither of them can climb trees.

roses are red, violets are blue, I talk to myself, and so do it I.

What did the blind man do in the dark room? Nothing, he couldn't see.

What does a Mexican do in a landslide? Lose a good deal of his hard earned property to the disaster.

It is green and it is attached to a fence? Green paint

How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb? 1

How did Hitler like his steaks? He didn't like steaks, he was a vegetarian.

Why was the orphan crying? His parents were dead and his future was uncertain.

Yo mama so stupid she stole free bread.

How did the blond die? Substance abuse

A man walks into the local grocery store on his way to work. He stops by the pastry section to buy a bagel. As he is paying, the cashier says "and here's some blueberries, they're complimentary." The man looks at the blueberries expectantly. When they don't say anything he looks up, feeling foolish, pays for his bagel and heads off to work as a partner in a lawyer firm.

Why can't Sally brush her hair? Because she has leukemia.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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