So there was a pirate, he got shot in the back. And when he got shot he turned to his freind (fellow pirate) and said i have been shot and there is a pretty good chance i will die.

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Q: Why did the monkey climb a tree? A: To avoid predators.

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2 black guys and a Mexican are in the backseat of a car. Who's driving. The cops

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what has two legs and bleeds? half a dog

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a blond, brunette, and red head run away from cops and hide in potato sacks. the officer went up to the brunette and kicked the potato bag and the brunette went "woof" "woof". the officer went to the red head and kicked the potato bag and the red head went "meow" "meow". the officer goes to the blond and kicked the potato bag and the blond went "potato".

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Girls go to college to get more knowledge. Boys go to Jupiter because they have an in depth understanding of astrophysics and interstellar travel.

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What do you call a bay that got run over by a train? Thomas

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Do you know what Ethiopian food tastes like? Neither do they

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Whats lemon scented and you shouldn't drink? Bleach

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Q: What did the Goth-Punk girl write on her test for the question "What are three kinds of rock?" A: Igneous, Sedimentary, & Metamorphic, She is a 4.0 Geology Major attending a respectable University. She simply chooses to express herself through the musical and clothing trends that emerged in 1970's English underground music. In reality it her personal preferences in the aforementioned areas have no bearing on her intellectual or academic standing.

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Why couldn't the women drive? She was dead

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What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.

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What does a person say before they die? Whatever their last word is

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What's meaner than taking a candy from a baby? Tossing the baby of a cliff

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Q: what's black, white and red all over A: a penguin in a blender

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What do you get when you cross a dog and a cat? A hybrid animal that can never exist to do each species own genetic make-up which would subsequently reject the other's. I.E. The cat would reject the dog sperm from ever fertilizing and the dog would reject cat sperm.

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How does Michael J. Fox like his Martini? With an Olive

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What happened to the latino and asian man in math class when they had a test? They both recieved exceptional scores as they both helped each other study the night before.

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Banana(s)

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An elderly lady walks into an elevator. She falls over and I kick her in the head.

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What do you call a man that likes fishsticks? His name

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What did Santa get for a young boy? A gun. What did Santa get for the young boys sister? Nothing, the boy shot Santa. Who sent out presents the next Christmas? Not Santa.

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Why was the orphan crying? His parents were dead and his future was uncertain.

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How come Pluto and Goofy are both dogs, but Goofy can talk and Pluto can't? Goofy sold Pluto into slavery in exchange for the power of human speech.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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