Boy: BRB Girl: OK. *Two hours later* Boy: Back. Girl: What took you so long? Boy: Someone asked why I loved you. Girl: Aw, that's so s- Boy: I know! I had no idea who he was! I had to call the cops.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Why couldn't little Johnny drive the tractor? Because he had no arms. Why didn't he have any arms? Because he was a potato

thumb_up thumb_down +14

What happened when the girl did the splits? She lacerated her vagina.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Poopsack Jones

thumb_up thumb_down +14

What do you call a can of beans? A can of beans.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Dumb jokes, now shut up.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Hey guys wanna here a joke? Never mind it was a gay joke but f**k it.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Freddie Mercurys teeth

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Q:what do you call a black guy with a gun A:racial equality in our nations armed forces

thumb_up thumb_down +12

How much wood would a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck Chuck Norris? Cheese on toast.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

What do you call a gay African American Jewish German flight attendant who is addicted to many hard drugs? His name.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

How did the people get into the pyramid?? They didn't

thumb_up thumb_down +12

What did the drug addict get for Christmas? He got hepatitis, fired from his job, and nothing from his family because their relationship was badly damaged by his addiction.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Martin Luther King Jr. had a dream..... But Leonardo DiCaprio had a dream within a dream within a dream within a dream.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Why did the woman hate waiting in line? Two reasons really: almost an entire day had passed since her last intake of non-prescription drugs plus she was generally apprehensive that the witness would identify her.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Enchilada

thumb_up thumb_down +10

what did the man with no arms and no legs get for Christmas? cancer.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

How many ears does Chuck Norris have? Two.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

What iz stupid? Hibiyav

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Roses are penis Violets are penis I like penis Penis

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Fuzzy wuzzy was a bear, fuzzy wuzzy had no hair, fuzzy wuzzy had cancerand died

thumb_up thumb_down +10

What did the frog say to the beautiful sleeping princess? Ribbit

thumb_up thumb_down +10

How are you supposed to breath with no air? um jorden sparks you dont?

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops