What do a baker and gynecologist have in common? They can smell it, but they can't eat it.

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A: Ask me if im a fire hydrant. B: Are you a fire hydrant? A: No...

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Penis

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nock nock who's there i eat mop i eat mop ho i didn't know you eat your poo. the wedding is off and go **** yourself in a hole!!

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Why can't Hank swim? Hank is a rock

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What do you get when you cross a grizzly bear and a dolphin? Well, the odds of these two animals mating are slim to none. Due to the undeniable fact that dolphins live in the ocean primarily in the warmer tropical waters and grizzly bears live on land in the pacific northwest where the water would be too cold for the dolphin anyway. The dolphin would be swimming around avoiding sharks and the bear would probably be eating a salmon. But if they did breed you would get a dolphinbear. Although a dolphinbear would have a very low chance of survival given it's part dolphin. Dolphins are pussies.

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whats the hardest part of the vegetable to eat? the wheelchair

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There's a Christian preist, Jesus, and a Jewish rabi on a boat. They want to go fishing, but they forgot the sunscreen, the bait, and the fishing line. The Christian preist walks across the water and goes and gets the Sunscreen. Jesus walks across the water and gets the bait. The Jewish rabi steps out of the boat and drowns. Jesus turns to the Priest and says, "Do you suppose we should have told about the underwater bridge?"

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What's the difference between a white person and a chair? -The chair isn't a complete douche.

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Why aren't Anti Jokes funny? Cuz they're against my religion.

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Sup homie G. Shutup you are not black.

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What would you do if you're eyes just suddently exploded? You would never see again.

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What happened to the jew? He got shoved in an oven.

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roses are red, violets are not, this poem makes no sense. Bananas

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why couldnt sally help timmy pick up his ice cream? she had no arms

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Q: Ask me if I'm a tree. A: No, I am not a tree.

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What is Chuck Norris's favorite musical theme? Tanana na na naa naa na, ta ta ta tanana na naa na ta na na.

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Why does Michael J. Fox make a great milkshake? Because he's had a successful career where he has made a substantial amount of money, allowing him to purchase high quality ingredients.

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What do you call a dead blonde in a closet? A rape victim.

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What is the best way to put out a fire? Stop, drop and have an orgy.

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A small child and a pedophile are walking hand-in-hand through the dark, creaky woods. "Mister," says the small child, " I'm scared." "YOU'RE scared?" says the pedophile. "I'M the one who's gonna have to walk back alone!"

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Why did the man walk into a bar? I don't know? Ask him. by Burflared

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A man yells at the top of the Grand Canyon, "Heyoooooo" He hears His voice echo multiple times. He yells again, "Heyoooooo" This time he hears his echo and a girl yell "heyo" back to him from within the canyon. He looks down. He falls. A mountain goat breaks his fall. The man is so thankful for the goat. He says, " Thank you goat! You saved my life!" The goat then pulls out a gun, and shoots him thrice. The man dies.

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what did one muffin say to the other in the oven? Nothing because they were both baked at 500 degrees and died

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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