What do you say to a black man who is in your house at night-time, carrying your television? Sir, may you please put down the television as it belongs to me and I worked hard to earn the money to buy it. If you do not I will have to contact the authorities to deal with you in a correct and fair manner.

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How did Hitler like his steaks? He didn't like steaks, he was a vegetarian.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Loss of habitat.

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If you have 10 fish and you drown 5 how many do you have left? 10... you can't drown a fish, and even if you could you would still have 10 because there would still be there, they would just be dead. 5 alive, 5 dead

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What does a Mexican do in a landslide? Lose a good deal of his hard earned property to the disaster.

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What do a comb and a guitar have in common? Neither of them can climb trees.

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What's the difference between a watermelon and a baby? A watermelon is edible.

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How many blondes does is take to screw a man? one and a condem

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Why can't Sally brush her hair? Because she has leukemia.

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What did the mute say to the deaf man? Nothing. He's a mute.

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ROSS G IS OBESE

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A small plane is carrying three passengers: a young boy scout, a priest, and the smartest black man on earth. Due to improper planning, there are only three parachutes on the plane. The engines cut and the pilot takes a parachute and jumps out of the plane. The black man says, "I am the smartest black man in the world. I need to live." He takes a parachute and jumps out of the plane. The priest says to the boy scout, "Son, you take the last parachute. I have lived a full life." After a very touching moment, the boy scout puts on the parachute and jumps out of the plane. Minutes later, the priest dies a horrific death as the plane crashes into the desert.

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Two colleague janitors sit next to each other in the coffee room, one says to the other: About yesterday... I checked three times and it looks pretty normal. Sorry... I wasn't around to hear the question the other posed the day before, but I heard it's supposed to be pretty funny with this answer. So... Less is better then none, right?

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A guy walks into the bathroom, sits down and poops.

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How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb? Fish

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How do you make a plumber cry? Kill his family

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Did you hear about the red ship and the blue ship that collided? Everyone on board died.

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Hey, want to hear a joke? Women's Rights

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whats worse then getting raped by a giant scorpion? getting raped by 2 giant scorpions!!!!!

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Why is the boy severely mentally scarred? He got raped.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it was an animal of minimal intelligence and didn't know of the underlining risks involved in crossing a high speed passage for cars and other road baring vehicles, the presence of the chicken in the road also prompted further danger for the drivers involved in the situation. This resulted ultimately in not only the death of the chicken in hand, but also caused two cars, one with a male driver aged 35 and the other with a female driver aged 42 and her two children, to collide. This cost hundreds of pounds in damage for the male driver, who escaped with minor injuries, and the death of one of the woman's children. The whole event was an unnecessary disaster.

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why do cats hate dogs? because cats were bullied by dogs in highschool.

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A rabbi, a preist, and a homosexual are at a bar... What a fine example of a well cultured community.

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What does your girlfriend eat every morning that is white, warm and sticky? Oatmeal

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops