How can you tell if a woman is dead? She has no pulse.

thumb_up thumb_down +30

???????????????????????????? ????????????????????????????? ????????????????????????????? ????????????????????????????? ????????????????????????????? ????????????????????????????? ????????????????????????????? ????????????????????????????? ????????????????????????????? ????????????????????????????? ????????????????????????????? ????????????????????????????? ????????????????????????????? ????????????????????????????? ????????????????????????????? ????????????????????????????? ????????????????????????????? ????????????????????????????? ????????????????????????????? ????????????????????????????? ????????????????????????????? ????????????????????????????? I cant make a good joke.

thumb_up thumb_down +30

A man is in a bar with a drink A lorry driver come in a gulp the guys drink down The man starts crying the lorry driver says"don't cry I will buy you another" The guy says "it's not that: Today I woke up late for work and when I finally got there my boss fired me so I get in my car to go home and it wont start so I walk home while it's raining and when I got in I found that my wife was sleeping with the gardener so I came down here and asked for some poison and you went and drank it"

thumb_up thumb_down +30

A man walks into a bar. He asks the bartender for a glass of milk. The bartender says, "Sorry we don't serve milk here.

thumb_up thumb_down +30

"This is not a drill!" - guy holding a hammer

thumb_up thumb_down +30

Timmy stop making noises while mommy is working. I have to finish these TPS reports or else my boss will be very mad at me and we won't have Christmas again.

thumb_up thumb_down +30

Why was the panda sad? It's family died when China had an earthquake.

thumb_up thumb_down +28

What's 5+7? Piccillo

thumb_up thumb_down +28

Why did the used car salesman stop selling cars? He got fired.

thumb_up thumb_down +28

Q. How do you kill a fish A. You don't have to BP already did

thumb_up thumb_down +28

you know what they say about people with big feet, they have big feet...

thumb_up thumb_down +28

what does the doctor say to the patient. you have cancer

thumb_up thumb_down +26

A baby seal walks into a club.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Why did the first monkey fall out of the tree ? Because he was dead. Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? Because he was attached to the first monkey. Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? Because he thought it was a game. Why did the tree fall over? It thought it was a monkey.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Roses are red Violets are blue Little billy was annoying me But he can't anymore Because now he's dead In a burlap sack In the back of my truck And it's really bloody back there

thumb_up thumb_down +26

A man walks into a bar and the bartender says "Sorry sir we're closed" So the man goes: "Oh, okay. I wasn't sure if you guys were open till' 10pm tonight" and the bartender goes "No, thats only on the weekends" The man thanks the bartender and proceeded to leave the bar. He now knows the arrive earlier the following day.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

The little mouse lifted the giant Elephant up so the Elephant could reach the bag of snacks, but then the Elephant said: I cant reach it, you must be tired so lets switch places... Squish: Squish! Elephant: Mouse! Where are you! *looks at "squish" NO! THIS WAS NOT THE WAY THE JOKE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE!!!!!!! Moral: Elephants cant talk...

thumb_up thumb_down +26

A horse walks into a glue factory..

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Whats worse than finding one worm in your apple? Two worms.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Q: Why did the cookie go to the doctor? A: Because he had terminal brain cancer.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

What's blue and smells like pee? Pee, I lied about the color

thumb_up thumb_down +24

A tree walks into a bar. But it is a dead tree so it actually didn't

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Brian Singmaster. Look him up, he's cute.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

What do you call a deaf person whom is behind the wheel of a car about to run off a cliff? ....

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops