So I was talking dirty to this deaf chick right...She didn't hear me.

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Go figure, you seemed pretty fucking scared of me back then. "autocast" hypnotic priming, anchors, you know what that is right? You for (as an example) clap your hands whenever you succeed at hypnotizing yourself while staying awake in a lucid state, then you repeat it until you one day just clap, your body remembers the whole sequence and boom it works right away. You did not think that PaulMcKenna could just touch people and have them do what he wants without even telling them what to do right? Especially not McKenna, I learned a lot from Richard Bandler, absolutely nothing from Anthony Robbins, everything I could ever want from Igor Ledochowsky, and absolutely nothing from PaulMcKenna, I went to him last, I should have skipped Both Robbins and Kenna, they use NLP and... Basically call it hypnosis.

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Why was johny late to school? He died

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Why did Dave not hug his wife? Because she looked horrifying from the Iraq war.

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like my drawing of a white person?

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How many perverts does it take to screw a lightbulb?

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boobs

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How do you know when there's a terrorist in an airport? There's a camel in the parking lot.

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Why did the girl fall off of the swing? They threw a fridge at her.

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What is the difference between a Ferrari and a dead hooker? One is a car and one is a human being.

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What is brown and sticky?

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Knock Knock. Who's there? UPS.

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What do you call a Colombian who sells drugs? A pharmacist.

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"This is not a drill!" - guy holding a hammer

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When life gives you lemons, make a lemon and tamarind chutney.

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The little mouse lifted the giant Elephant up so the Elephant could reach the bag of snacks, but then the Elephant said: I cant reach it, you must be tired so lets switch places... Squish: Squish! Elephant: Mouse! Where are you! *looks at "squish" NO! THIS WAS NOT THE WAY THE JOKE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE!!!!!!! Moral: Elephants cant talk...

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Of two wrongs don't make a right what do they make? I don't know but three rights make a left

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What's funnier than a dead baby? A lot of things. Dead babies are not funny.

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Why couldn't the women drive? She was dead

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Why did Suzy fall of the swing? -she had no arms Knock Knock Who's there? Not Suzy

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A man falls into a lake but no one is around to help him, luckily the man can swim so he got out of the lake and went home feeling embarrassed

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A: Ask me if im a fire hydrant. B: Are you a fire hydrant? A: No...

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What's 5+7? Piccillo

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What's worse than a School Bus accident? The Holocaust.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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