Why did the chicken cross the road? It didn't, it got hit by a car.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

roses are red, violets are blue, I have schizophrenia, which is a serious mental disorder in which I have difficulty properly experiencing reality. It should not be confused with multiple personality disorder, which is a completely different disease with different symptoms.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

A guy sitting at a bar was getting really impatient for his drink, so when the bartender asked if everything was fine, he yelled, "No, it's not! Where the f*** is my drink?!" The bartender replied, "I'm not sure what you're asking, 'cause I don't know what letters the asterisks are replacing."

thumb_up thumb_down +11

What do you call a black man who flies planes? A pilot, what do you call him you freaking racist!?!?!?!?!?

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Why did Suzie fall off the swing? She had no arms or legs. Knock Knock Who's there? Not Suzie.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

What's the difference between unicorns and black people? Years of slavery.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

What's white and can't climb a tree? A refridgerator What's white heavy and if it fell out of a tree it would kill you? A polar bear

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?". The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then the man said "he has a pulse". The operator then calmly stated "we are sending a helicopter to air lift him out of there as we speak". The man got helicoptered to the nearest ER, and the doctors did their best to save him. He ended up having to go on life support for three years until his family members finally decided to pull the plug. The medical insurance didn't cover life support and the family went broke because of it.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Why should this joke be funny? It shouldn't, because its an anti-joke.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Roses are red Violets are blue I have genital warts Now you do too

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What's the difference between a Jew and a pizza? A Jew is a person who adheres to the Jewish faith and claims a cultural or ancestral connection to the Jewish people, and a pizza is an oven-baked, flat, disc shaped bread usually topped with tomato sauce and mozzarella and then a selection of meats, depending on taste and culture.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

i had a bowl of soup and it was 5 inches in diameter and 3 inches tall. how much soup did i eat? very little because i drank most of it

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Did you know?

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Whats white and cant fly an aeroplane? A fridge

thumb_up thumb_down +5

What's black and white, and red all over? newspaper...

thumb_up thumb_down +5

What is the way to a woman's heart? Through her chest cavity.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

A man stuck his diick in a blender He had a "penis shake" for breakfast

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Superman: Batman, can you drive? Batman: No, but I can drive the batmobile.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Why did a hipster walks into a health food store? To buy some healthy food.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

What do you call a kid with no arms, no legs, and an eye patch? Names

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Q: What is so funny about a dog chasing his tail? A: The dog cannot figue out that it his own tail, and every time he moves so does the tail. Therefore never reaching a satisfying end for the mentaly chalanged mutt.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Three guys walk into a club, one is a fat ugly chode face bastard, the second one is a 4 foot 2 cricket champion and the third is a handsome young man.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

hi

thumb_up thumb_down -1

What is black and white and green and red and purple and orange and magenta and brown and yellow all at the same time? Can you tell me? Cause I've got no clue.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops