What did the husband tell his obese wife? I love you honey

thumb_up thumb_down +51

My dog has no nose, so how does it smell? It can't, I just told you it has no nose.

thumb_up thumb_down +51

You say you can read me like a book, well the jokes on you. I am not a book.

thumb_up thumb_down +47

Girls go to college to get more knowledge. Boys go to Jupiter because they have an in depth understanding of astrophysics and interstellar travel.

thumb_up thumb_down +47

A horse walks into a bar. Bartender says, "Why the long face?" The horse does not respond because it is a horse. It can neither speak nor understand English. It is confused by it surroundings, and gallops out of the bar, knocking over a few tables.

thumb_up thumb_down +45

Why did the man go to the restaurant? Because he wanted to get some food.

thumb_up thumb_down +43

Q: What did the Goth-Punk girl write on her test for the question "What are three kinds of rock?" A: Igneous, Sedimentary, & Metamorphic, She is a 4.0 Geology Major attending a respectable University. She simply chooses to express herself through the musical and clothing trends that emerged in 1970's English underground music. In reality it her personal preferences in the aforementioned areas have no bearing on her intellectual or academic standing.

thumb_up thumb_down +43

How do you wake up Lady Gaga? Drop a brick on her face.

thumb_up thumb_down +43

What did the bubble do to the wall? Nothing it is a Bubble.

thumb_up thumb_down +43

What did Steven Hawking say to God after he died? Nothing. He can't talk.

thumb_up thumb_down +43

Go figure, you seemed pretty fucking scared of me back then. "autocast" hypnotic priming, anchors, you know what that is right? You for (as an example) clap your hands whenever you succeed at hypnotizing yourself while staying awake in a lucid state, then you repeat it until you one day just clap, your body remembers the whole sequence and boom it works right away. You did not think that PaulMcKenna could just touch people and have them do what he wants without even telling them what to do right? Especially not McKenna, I learned a lot from Richard Bandler, absolutely nothing from Anthony Robbins, everything I could ever want from Igor Ledochowsky, and absolutely nothing from PaulMcKenna, I went to him last, I should have skipped Both Robbins and Kenna, they use NLP and... Basically call it hypnosis.

thumb_up thumb_down +41

A mute says to a paraplegic: You can talk the talk - but can you walk the walk?

thumb_up thumb_down +41

Wanna hear a joke? No.

thumb_up thumb_down +41

Why did Rose throw the clock out the window? Because she's a moron.

thumb_up thumb_down +41

What is a bear's favorite televison show? It doesnt have one because it is a bear which makes watching television an illogical fallacy.

thumb_up thumb_down +39

What did the apple tree say to the farmer? Well! since trees nor apples have the ability to talk I would say the apple tree said nothing. And if the farmer thinks it did say something he should visit the doctors to check his hearing. The End.

thumb_up thumb_down +39

Q: What happens when you throw a green rock in the Red Sea? A: It gets wet.

thumb_up thumb_down +39

Wanna hear a joke? The 19th amendment

thumb_up thumb_down +39

Roses are blue, Roses are red. Give me your money, Or I'll cut off your head.

thumb_up thumb_down +37

Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 was infamous for stealing people's laundry, and 6 was insecure about his bare body

thumb_up thumb_down +37

An English man, an Irishman and a Scotsman walk into a bar. They each buy a pint and talk about their day.

thumb_up thumb_down +37

Why couldn't the 14 year old find a date? Because he had a speech impediment and girls avoided him usually.

thumb_up thumb_down +35

GONNA

thumb_up thumb_down +35

Why did Dave not hug his wife? Because she looked horrifying from the Iraq war.

thumb_up thumb_down +35

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops