What makes the turtle move? It's legs.

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Why doesn't stevie wonder play snooker? Because it's not very popular in the US.

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So there was a pirate, he got shot in the back. And when he got shot he turned to his freind (fellow pirate) and said i have been shot and there is a pretty good chance i will die.

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how do you fit 100 jews in a car? 2 in the front seat, 3 in the back seat, and 95 in the ash tray.

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"hey those pancakes look pretty good." "thats a cat steve."

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What did the husband tell his obese wife? I love you honey

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My dog has no nose, so how does it smell? It can't, I just told you it has no nose.

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You say you can read me like a book, well the jokes on you. I am not a book.

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Girls go to college to get more knowledge. Boys go to Jupiter because they have an in depth understanding of astrophysics and interstellar travel.

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A horse walks into a bar. Bartender says, "Why the long face?" The horse does not respond because it is a horse. It can neither speak nor understand English. It is confused by it surroundings, and gallops out of the bar, knocking over a few tables.

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What did the bubble do to the wall? Nothing it is a Bubble.

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Why did the man go to the restaurant? Because he wanted to get some food.

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How do you wake up Lady Gaga? Drop a brick on her face.

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Q: What did the Goth-Punk girl write on her test for the question "What are three kinds of rock?" A: Igneous, Sedimentary, & Metamorphic, She is a 4.0 Geology Major attending a respectable University. She simply chooses to express herself through the musical and clothing trends that emerged in 1970's English underground music. In reality it her personal preferences in the aforementioned areas have no bearing on her intellectual or academic standing.

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What did Steven Hawking say to God after he died? Nothing. He can't talk.

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Why did Rose throw the clock out the window? Because she's a moron.

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Wanna hear a joke? No.

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A mute says to a paraplegic: You can talk the talk - but can you walk the walk?

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Go figure, you seemed pretty fucking scared of me back then. "autocast" hypnotic priming, anchors, you know what that is right? You for (as an example) clap your hands whenever you succeed at hypnotizing yourself while staying awake in a lucid state, then you repeat it until you one day just clap, your body remembers the whole sequence and boom it works right away. You did not think that PaulMcKenna could just touch people and have them do what he wants without even telling them what to do right? Especially not McKenna, I learned a lot from Richard Bandler, absolutely nothing from Anthony Robbins, everything I could ever want from Igor Ledochowsky, and absolutely nothing from PaulMcKenna, I went to him last, I should have skipped Both Robbins and Kenna, they use NLP and... Basically call it hypnosis.

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Wanna hear a joke? The 19th amendment

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Q: What happens when you throw a green rock in the Red Sea? A: It gets wet.

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What is a bear's favorite televison show? It doesnt have one because it is a bear which makes watching television an illogical fallacy.

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What did the apple tree say to the farmer? Well! since trees nor apples have the ability to talk I would say the apple tree said nothing. And if the farmer thinks it did say something he should visit the doctors to check his hearing. The End.

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An English man, an Irishman and a Scotsman walk into a bar. They each buy a pint and talk about their day.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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