Q: I am an over-protective father looking for my son who was kidnapped and am suddenly traveling with a mentally retarded woman who cant remember her name. By the way my wife was murdered and my son has physical disorder. Then, im hooked up with a hippy who doesnt care about anything. Who am I? A: Marlin the clownfish (from Finding Nemo).

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What's white and sticky? Glue

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Abstract thinking part one of... One: What kind of idiot tries to run trough a wall, rather than to just use the door? The "Idiot" is in a cell whose walls are made of thin wood plates, the door is made of steel and locked. How I cured my own damn anxiety five hundred of one: Now this is real see? I got stressed, damn it was like something that was not me but my body scared as shit began fearing for its life right my arms shaking like fuck sweat and all that crapa? So I got pissed got in front of the mirror, stared at myself and shouted "GODDAMN BODY YOU THINKS YOU CAN CONTROL ME? IF YOU DO NOT STOP BEING SO FUCKING AFRAID OF DEATH! THEN I WILL KILL YOU MYSELF!" So yeah unconventional indeed, but it worked for five times, and I never had to use it anymore. Moral: My own body and every fucking cell of it, is not the only one that fears me more than death.

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What's the difference between a white person and a chair? -The chair isn't a complete douche.

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A black man, a Mexican, and a Jew walk into a bar. The white bartender kills them all because he was a huge racist.

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Josh kissing a girl

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Q.Why was 6 crying? A.Because 7,8,9

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Your mother is so ugly that your father no lomger finds her attractive

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me:I will trade you 5 dollars for 10 dollars blond: Okay! me: ...

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Why couldn't the boy ride his bike? He had no legs. Why didn't he have any legs? He was hit by a truck.

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Why couldn't the little boy see anything? It was dark outside.

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What wears a white robe and shines? A special boar.

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Did you hear the one about the man who went into the jungle wearing nothing but leopard print underwear? He was suffering from psychogenic fugue disorder and had no idea who or where he was. He was eventually eaten alive by a flesh-eating centipede. When his wife found out, she committed suicide.

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Someone told me about this website.

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whats worse then finding a finger in your soup? - being a cook and losing a finger

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Why did phil krahn go to the store? To get one of those suits

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shut up

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roses are red violets are blue i thought i was ugly but then i met you

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What did Jesus say to the Easter Rabbit? Nothing, it ran off before he could say anything. They're so skiddish, those pesky rabbits...

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Don't rape me!

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Dumbledore: Yo mamma's so fat --- her Patronus is a cake! Voldemort: ...bitch!

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How many Jehovah's Witnesses does it take to screw in a light bulb? 2. One to firmly hold the ladder and the other to cautiously screw it in. They are volunteering at the local orphanage and it is wrong to make fun of there religion. We are all different in our own special way.

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What did the Queen of England say when here servant died? Another one bites the dust!

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A man. That is all.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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