A piece of rope walks into a bar, and asks for a beer. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve ropes here." The rope goes into the bathroom, ties himself into a knot, then rubs himself against the walls until his ends are ragged. Then he walks out and says to the bartender: "I'm a frayed knot." The bartender replies, "Right, I see that you've tied yourself into a knot and frayed your ends. So what? What are you trying to prove?" "Well, I...I mean, it was supposed to be a pun, and you were supposed to react like...like it was..." "Look, I thought I was doing you something nice by letting you use the restroom, even though I told you we don't serve ropes here. And then you go in there and rub yourself against the walls or some crazy shit, and probably get them all dirty, and you come out and expect I'm going to give you a drink because of a pun? Is that how you think this works? Get out of my bar before I call the police." The rope slinks out, still tied in a knot, and eventually finds somebody willing to buy a bottle of cheap vodka for him at a liquor store. He never sets foot in the bar again.

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Two colleague janitors sit next to each other in the coffee room, one says to the other: About yesterday... I checked three times and it looks pretty normal. Sorry... I wasn't around to hear the question the other posed the day before, but I heard it's supposed to be pretty funny with this answer. So... Less is better then none, right?

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Whats the difference between a black guy and a pizza? A black guy is a human being, and a pizza is a food you racist.

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how do you stop a speeding car? Put your foot on the brake

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What does a girl get from a dead MAN:)?? Nothing he is dead.

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How do you get four gay guys on a bar stool? With teamwork and coordination, each could place one foot on the seat, and they can all stand up using each other for balance and support. The fact that they are gay in unimportant.

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Hey are you from Tennessee, 'cause you have a very nice accent.

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What's the difference between a jew and a boyscout? A boyscout comes back from camp.

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What did the bartender say to the midget as he entered the bar? Nothing besides attempting to serve him in the same manner as any other reveller whilst attempting to disguise his sense of pity for the midget's debilitating and somewhat stigmatised condition.

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Why hasn't Justin Bieber gone through puberty. Usher Chopped his balls off.

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Q. How did Kit Kat candy bars get their name? A. It was chosen by manufacturer.

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Knock Knock. Whose there? Not your dead mom.

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This is a humorous joke, you will laugh.

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Q: Why did the boy cross the road? A: Because he was being chased by a pedophile.

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yo mama's so ugly, it affects her self esteem.

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Two guys walk into a bar. You think the second one would've noticed and avoided it.

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Knock Knock. Shut up.

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Yo mama is so fat, that she recieves an allowance due to being physically disabled.

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What did the kettle say to the pot? Nothing, inanimate objects can't talk.

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What did the dead baby say to his mother? Nothing. He's dead.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Why did we start questioning the philosophical reasoning of chickens?

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What is the same about a girrafe, and an ant? They are both REALLY tall. Except for the ant, sorry I lied.

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What happened to the black man when his alarm went off? He got up and took a shower. Then he got dressed and went to church because it was Sunday.

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If you're a man, why don't you want to drop the soap in prison? The shower floors are disgusting and carry bacteria. No way would any person -- man or woman -- want to touch it.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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