knock knock 'who's there?' 'just open the door'

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A welsh guy walks into a pub. This something any average guy would do.

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If you want to paint a wall red, what is the fastest way to paint it with a crying baby? The baby will get very annoying and delay your wall from being painted so you put it in its crib in another room until you are done.

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boobs

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What did the apple tree say to the farmer? Well! since trees nor apples have the ability to talk I would say the apple tree said nothing. And if the farmer thinks it did say something he should visit the doctors to check his hearing. The End.

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What is worse than being ran over by a bus? Nothing really.

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Why was poor justin killed His mother kicked him into a pool of blood-thirsty aligators.

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Why couldn't the little boy skate? He had cancer.

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What do you call a black guy flying a plane. A pilot

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Fuzzy Wuzzy was a bear Fuzzy Wuzzy had no hair because he had cancer

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- Knock Knock. - Who's there? - You're coming with me.

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Why did Dave not hug his wife? Because she looked horrifying from the Iraq war.

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Go figure, you seemed pretty fucking scared of me back then. "autocast" hypnotic priming, anchors, you know what that is right? You for (as an example) clap your hands whenever you succeed at hypnotizing yourself while staying awake in a lucid state, then you repeat it until you one day just clap, your body remembers the whole sequence and boom it works right away. You did not think that PaulMcKenna could just touch people and have them do what he wants without even telling them what to do right? Especially not McKenna, I learned a lot from Richard Bandler, absolutely nothing from Anthony Robbins, everything I could ever want from Igor Ledochowsky, and absolutely nothing from PaulMcKenna, I went to him last, I should have skipped Both Robbins and Kenna, they use NLP and... Basically call it hypnosis.

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What is the difference between a Ferrari and a dead hooker? One is a car and one is a human being.

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what do you call a black guy in a cop car a cop

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Loss of habitat.

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3 men walk into a bar. The fourth one ducks.

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What do you call a Colombian who sells drugs? A pharmacist.

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What happened when the Asian girl got an 89 on her Test? Her parents kicked her out of their house.

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what is poop in pee? bagel thins? tuesday.

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Why don't they sell pharmaceuticals in the rain forest? Because it is to sparsely populated and not economically viable.

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What's worse than a dead baby in a trash can? The grief the family feels at the loss of their newborn child.

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What did the robot do when a person was shot? Nothing, it wasn't programmed for that situation.

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How many pumpkins can you fit in a watch? Depends how much jelly is in the pumpkins

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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