A welsh guy walks into a pub. This something any average guy would do.

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If you want to paint a wall red, what is the fastest way to paint it with a crying baby? The baby will get very annoying and delay your wall from being painted so you put it in its crib in another room until you are done.

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boobs

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What did the apple tree say to the farmer? Well! since trees nor apples have the ability to talk I would say the apple tree said nothing. And if the farmer thinks it did say something he should visit the doctors to check his hearing. The End.

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Why was poor justin killed His mother kicked him into a pool of blood-thirsty aligators.

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What is worse than being ran over by a bus? Nothing really.

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Why did Dave not hug his wife? Because she looked horrifying from the Iraq war.

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Fuzzy Wuzzy was a bear Fuzzy Wuzzy had no hair because he had cancer

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What is the difference between a Ferrari and a dead hooker? One is a car and one is a human being.

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Go figure, you seemed pretty fucking scared of me back then. "autocast" hypnotic priming, anchors, you know what that is right? You for (as an example) clap your hands whenever you succeed at hypnotizing yourself while staying awake in a lucid state, then you repeat it until you one day just clap, your body remembers the whole sequence and boom it works right away. You did not think that PaulMcKenna could just touch people and have them do what he wants without even telling them what to do right? Especially not McKenna, I learned a lot from Richard Bandler, absolutely nothing from Anthony Robbins, everything I could ever want from Igor Ledochowsky, and absolutely nothing from PaulMcKenna, I went to him last, I should have skipped Both Robbins and Kenna, they use NLP and... Basically call it hypnosis.

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What do you call a Colombian who sells drugs? A pharmacist.

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3 men walk into a bar. The fourth one ducks.

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What's worse than a dead baby in a trash can? The grief the family feels at the loss of their newborn child.

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Why don't they sell pharmaceuticals in the rain forest? Because it is to sparsely populated and not economically viable.

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What happened when the Asian girl got an 89 on her Test? Her parents kicked her out of their house.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Loss of habitat.

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what do you call a black guy in a cop car a cop

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What did the robot do when a person was shot? Nothing, it wasn't programmed for that situation.

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What did the mushroom say to the pretty lady? Nothing, because it's a mushroom.

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Once you go black you may be more open to dating a second black person.

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whats the hardest part of the vegetable to eat? the wheelchair

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Your momma is SOO FAT that I had to call my doctor. He said you should go on a diet and exercise. I called my local gym and gave your mom a 3 months membership. Monday to Friday. Your welcome and good luck.

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Why did the girl fall off of the swing? They threw a fridge at her.

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How do you find Nemo? Watch the movie.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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