A Fish walks into a bar. It died of oxygen starvation.

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"Knock knock" "Who's there?" "Your landlord, clear out your stuff by tuesday"

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Adam Sandler.

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A man walks into a bar. The bartender asks what he'd like to drink. The man pulls out his gun, shoots the surprised bartender, and proceeds to execute all the patrons of the bar and finally commit suicide. A post-mortem identification of the man identifies him as a victim of childhood sexual abuse and a diagnosed schizophrenic. There is a nice funeral for all the victims and the media respectfully minimizes exposure of the event.

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That's as _____ as a ______ guy. Works with anything, and people do laugh.

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A man is driving home from work. he realizes he left his suitcase back at the office. he turns around and drives back to the office. he walks in the office and grabs his suitcase, and as he's walking out he's stopped by his boss. his boss simply asks "what are you doing in the office at this time, Eric?" the man replies to his boss " sorry sir i was just grabbing my suitcase as i forgot to bring it as i was leaving work" his boss lets him pass " okay Eric, have a good night" the man get back in his car and drives home. but on his way home a pedestrian runs in front of the road. the man runs him over unintentionly. the man is jailed with manslaughter for 4 and a half years

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What did the mushroom say to the pretty lady? Nothing, because it's a mushroom.

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How do you have sex with an amputee? stick it in the eyes

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Whats green and fuzzy, and if it falls out of a tree you'll die? A pool table.

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Why did the black homeowner default on his house? He was paying significantly more in mortgage than the actual market value of the home, since he purchased his property before the housing bubble. He carried out a cost/benefit analysis and derived the conclusion that he was effectively destroying his own wealth by paying his mortgage bills.

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your momma is so stupid she failed math class

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How do you know when there's a terrorist in an airport? There's a camel in the parking lot.

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A man walks into the corner of a table and bruises his leg. The bruise continues to be there for about 3 weeks.

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women's lacrosse.

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You wanna hear a clean joke? I took a bath with bubbles. Wanna hear a dirty joke? I slipped in mud. Wanna hear an even dirtier joke? Bubbles is a guy..

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how do you confuse a brunette? tell a joke about how there are no beaches in florida

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An elderly lady walks into an elevator. She falls over and I kick her in the head.

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Yo mommas so stupid, she got raped.

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What did the blind, deaf and dumb kid get for his birthday? Broken arms and legs

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Wanna hear a joke? Toyota

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here's a great way to ruin someone's 'knock knock' joke: Knock knock Come in!

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Women's Basketball.

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A young couple just gave birth to their first child and the doctor says, "I’ve good some good news and some bad news, what do you want first?" "Give us the bad news first", the parents reply. "Your baby has red hair", says the doctor. "Well whats the good news", ask the parents. "It’s dead", says the doctor.

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A baby seal walks into a club...

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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