What did the penny say to the other penny? Nothing, because pennies can't talk.

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A man comes home from the office, walks inside and hangs up his coat and hat at the door. He walks into the kitchen to find his wife has not made dinner instead she is drinking with friends, she tells him that she would have made dinner but she didnt want to. Furious, the man storms to the door, grabs his coat and leaves... He gets in his car and drives down to the pub. Sitting there drinking his beer, trying to calm down he finds a peice of paper tucked into his coat pocket, he unfolds it and reads it. It turns out to be a memo he wrote to remind himself at work that day.

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How do you fit 90 Jews in a Volkswagen Bug? You can't.

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I love my new microwave. It comes with a list that tells just how long to cook things. Now i know how long to cook a baby for

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What does a bug do in a telephone booth? Eats yogurt.

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how does a zookeeper build a snowman. same as everyone else

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A hot girl walks by a boy and he stares at her as she walks past. She see's him and asks "What are you looking at?", to which the boy replied "Oh I'm sorry. You happened to look familiar and I thought 'Perhaps I've met this person before. School? No. Work? No. I then concluded I've never seen you before and then you turned around and asked me what I was looking at".

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What do you call someone that hates gay people? An asshole.

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LOL i just pissed on Hitlers grave! Shoudn't killed the Jews BITCH!

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Got milk? No.

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Jack and Jill climb a tall hill to get some water from the well for there farther who has been working in the fields. Jack trips and hits his hell on a rock and Jill promptly calls 911 and stays with him until help arrives.

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What's the difference between a blonde and a brunette? The pigmentation of their hair follicles.

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Why cant Hellen Keller Drive? Because shes a women.

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Which one is hardest?

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Q. What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? A. "Where's my tractor?"

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A priest, a rabbi, and an atheist walk into a bar. They sit down and have a calm discussion about the differences in their beliefs.

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Q: Why did the monkey climb a tree? A: To avoid predators.

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What did a cat said to another cat? Nothing because cata dont talk.

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What's black and white and red all over? A newspaper with some red stuff on it.

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whats small, black, and crispy? a baby in a drier

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Knock knock (No one is home)

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When was Timothy born? He wasn't.

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Santa Claus, "Ho ho ho!" Asain Santa Claus, "Hohohohohohohoho!" Pedophile Santa Claus, "Ho ho ho! Come and sit on my lap children!" Dyslexic Santa Claus, "Oh oh oh! Merry Shitcrams!" Narcopleptic Santa Claus, "Ho ho..." *snores*. Black Santa Claus, well, I wouldn't like the idea of a black fat guy breaking into my house, eating my cookies, drinking my milk, and leaving presents under my tree. Would you?

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Roses Are Red Lemons are sour, open up your legs and give me an hour

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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