Why did the blonde buy a condom? Because she had a penis.

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What should I name my dog?

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Q. What is brown and sticky? A. Creosote.

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1,2 Freddy's Coming For You 3'4 Better Lock Your Doors 5'6 Grab Your Crucifix 7'8 Stay Up Late 9'10 Never Sleep Again Bonus 11'12 He's Gonna See You In Hell

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A man is on an operating table. His heart stops beating and he suddenly finds himself at the Gates of Heaven. St. Peter approaches him. "Welcome, my son," St. Peter says. "I can't believe it," the man exclaims, "I've died and gone to Heaven! I-" St. Peter interrupts him. "Not quite yet, my son. You must first answer three questions. You will only enter Heaven if I deem you fit to do so." The man nervously agrees. "All right. First question," St. Peter says. "Did you ever commit a sin and never sought forgiveness?" The man thinks long and hard. "No, I always made sure to apologize." "Splendid," St. Peter responds. "Did you attend church every Sunday?" The man loses some of his former confidence. "I may have missed the odd week." "That's fine," says St. Peter. "One last question... Do you believe you are worthy of entering the Gates of Heaven?" The man answers nervously, "Well... yes, yes I do." St. Peter smiles. "Congratulations, my son. You have passed the test, and may enter Heaven!" The man is ecstatic as the pearly gates open up for him. He enters Heaven and is astounded by its magnificent beauty. The man then loses all brain function and dies on the operating table.

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Q. How do you make an atheist appreciate life? A. Break his legs.

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A priest and a rabbi walk into a bar. The priest is a former alcoholic, and has the strength to turn around and leave.

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I'm so hungry, I could eat an adequately sized meal

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Why did the chicken cross the road? it didn't it was being sexually abused by its father.

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Roses are red Violets are blue who are you kidding, violets are violet

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A man walked into a bar. He did this because he was blind and could not see the obstacle in his path.

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Hey I just met you And this is crazy I have Alzheimer's Hey I just met you

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Why did jack fall down the hill ? Because Jill pushed him.

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- If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put U and I together. - You don't need to because N and O are already together. - Then maybe a cyber-relationship would work. - Why ? - Look at your keyboard, U and I are next to each other.

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Need homeless tips? Get A Job.

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go go gadget

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Q. How do you kill a fish A. You don't have to BP already did

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why did the chicken cross the road? I don't know, you tell me.

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What do you call a cool pig? SPIDER-PIG!!!

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How many Jews can you fit into a car? About 5 or 6. It depends on the size of the car.

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Why did the girl fall off of the swing? They threw a fridge at her.

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why did the chicken cross the road? it wanted to get the waffle ice cream cone that was on the ground next to the little child who got hit by a bus.

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What did the mushroom say to the pretty lady? Nothing, because it's a mushroom.

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Why couldn't the 14 year old find a date? Because he had a speech impediment and girls avoided him usually.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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