A man is on an operating table. His heart stops beating and he suddenly finds himself at the Gates of Heaven. St. Peter approaches him. "Welcome, my son," St. Peter says. "I will ask you one question, and that will determine whether you can enter Heaven." The man nods nervously. St. Peter asks, "Did you ever commit a sin and never sought forgiveness?" The man thinks long and hard. "No, I always made sure to apologize." St. Peter smiles. "Congratulations, my son. You have passed the test, and may enter Heaven!" The man is ecstatic as the pearly gates open up for him. He enters Heaven and is astounded by its magnificent beauty. The man then loses all brain function and dies on the operating table.

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Jesus Christ walks into a Hotel.. he hands the Inn keeper 3 nails and says " Hey..can you put me UP for the night?"

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Hey, I want to because you are really sweet and deserve it, and damn you are hot, but thats secondary in your case, in every case actually, otherwise I would just be doing it with meat whose soul and thoughts I hate/dislike/detest/etc, and that is not who I am. Once huh? I mean I said night/day/shower/breakfast table... Not so sure I can last for that long with a girl as hot and sweet as you for that long. Kidding, hey, best friend huh? Wow, I mean that`s really sweet, and you are really a special friend to me, but uh, to be honest, best friend? I barely know you... I hate this part of myself, I am blunt with that honesty thing, I may just have insulted you, but you know, I also need to be able to live with myself If I am going to enjoy life.

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How can a black man burn his pop-tarts? If he leaves them in the toaster for too long.

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Why is there velcro on the edge of the table. Because its there to hold the microwave.

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How do you stop a speeding car? Put your foot on the Brake

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A man saw a dinosaur. He probably watched it on the television because dinosaurs have been extingt for a very long time.

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9/11

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Why is the child screaming? Because he just woke up from a bad dream.

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Do you know what paper I get?.... Loose leaf :o

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What did one lawyer say to the other lawyer? Horse semen

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your moms so fat she has a heart attack when she walks to the pantry.

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a. get me a drink b. a would but but i got no arms

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69

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Whats the worst thing that happened in the holocaust? it ended

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Knock Knock. Who's there? I have a door you don't have to say, knock knock.

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Why did the girl not apply for her American CItizenship? She was already an American Citizen.

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but there is a road to the super market

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How do you get a baby out of a blender? Tortilla Chips

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How do you wake up Lady Gaga? Poke her face.

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your momma so ugly even she wouldnt date herself.

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what do you call a sock that is no longer white a dirty sock

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I'm not wearing underwear Why not Cause I have built in underwear

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A blonde walks into a store and asks for the microwave behind the counter. The man behind the register promptly hands her the microwave and charges her $435 for it, which is utterly ridiculous.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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